part 1 Love, lust & Desire

PALESA Dad gave me one surprise I wasn't expecting. It was the second week of January. I had arrived last week at home. I was just sitting in the lounge while going through my phone when he came. Dad: Hey baby. Me: Hello dad. Dad: You do know that varsities are opening soon right? Me: Umm yeah. Dad: Good I have already registered for you at UJ. Me: What? I really wasn't expecting that. I guess I thought I was just going to remain at home even in this year then go to varsity next year. I wasn't even thinking UJ. Dad: You turning 20 baby you cannot throw your future away like that. He was right though. My little sister was doing her matric now. She had failed her Grade 10 she was suppose to have done her matric last year. What Dad was saying made a whole lot of sense to me. He was right I had to do something with my life. I couldn't be dependent on him and Tony my entire life. Me: You right. What course? Dad: You going to do Bcom Accounting. I just nodded. This was a second chance at life for me and I was going to grab it with both hands. I was going to run it with Tony I know he'd be happy I'm doing something with my life. He might not have mentioned it but I know he also didn't want me just idling with no direction in life. This was going to help me be able to make my own path as well. Something I had always wanted to do. Dad: Do you wanna stay in Res or rent a flat? Me: I want Res I'll rent on my second year. Dad: Good choice I'll make all the arrangements. Me: Thank You dad for this and for everything. Dad: The pleasure is all mine. He kissed me on the cheek and left. I was excited. I couldn't believe it! I called Tony immediately. Tony: My love. Me: Hey. Tony: You alright? Me: I wanna talk to you bout something. Tony: Sounds serious. Me: Yeah it is. Can we meet? Tony: I'll come pick you in say two hours? Me: Okay babe. Tony: I love you. Me: I love you too. I went to take a quick shower in the meantime. I was going to the doctor for my injection. I'm actually lucky I haven't fallen pregnant considering I have never used protection with Tony. Lema was at school. I wore a denim dress long sleeves with white Puma Creeper. I brushed my weave then applied light makeup. I took my backpack phone and car keys. Mom was at work while dad was apparently working from home. It kinder helps being your own boss. I got in my car and drove off while listening to some music. . TRINNY I was finally getting discharged from this place and frankly I couldn't wait. I made a vow that I was never coming back here again at least not for this reason. Dr: I'm gonna miss you. Me: I'd miss me too if I weren't me. He chuckled. This doctor is another reason why I wouldn't wanna come back here. He annoys the shit out of me. Someone knocked on my door. I really wasn't expecting him. It was Thatso and seeing him reminded me of all he had done to me and my heart reminded me of the love it still had for him. He didn't look like someone who had most sleep he looked like a mess. Thatso: I brought you some clothes. I was still wearing the hospital gown. I smiled faintly. I actually would have worn the clothes I previously came with. Me: Thanks. Dr: I'll give you some space. Till we meet again Miss Zulu. Me: Probably in another lifetime. He chuckled and winked at me. That got my boyfriend's ego a bit bruised. If we were in different situations he would not have shut up. I took the plastic from him and peeped through. Me: We matching now? He was wearing black sweatpants with a black Tee and biker jacket and it wasn't even a little chilly. He nodded and I rolled my eyes. I wore the black skinny jeans and the black Tee shirt with my biker jacket. Things were a bit awkward since what happened and we were just silent. I didn't want to talk about it considering it will be a reminder of how much of a fool I have been. Thatso: Mom misses you. I hadn't seen her in a while and I probably won't see her for quite some time. I didn't say anything. He signed my discharge papers and we walked to the car he came with. He opened the passenger door for me and I got in and he went to his side. I was going home. One place I really didn't want to be at. Good thing I was going to varsity Or else I wouldn't be able to survive. I was actually looking forward to a new environment. I really needed some change. Tumi and I had applied to the same varsity I wouldn't be able to survive. I was actually looking forward to a new environment. I really needed some change. Tumi and I had applied to the same varsity we had actually planned everything together and now with me being on the receiving end of deception I really didn't know what this meant for our friendship. Had it always been a lie? Was it all about getting in my pants? This was confusing as fuck. I really didn't know what to think. I felt stupid. So just like Rena he was using me. At least with Rena I didn't lose my virginity in the process but with him I even lost myself. The hard nut front I had managed to put on had cracked just like that and now now I felt weak. It's a pain even nicotine can't suppress. Thatso: Tumi? I turned to look at him and that's when I realized the car had stopped. We were at KFC drive-thru. Me: Yeah? Thatso: What would you like? I wasn't even in the mood for food. I didn't have an appetite so I settled for a twister and pina colada krusher. We were now driving on my street. He parked a few houses from mine. Thatso: Can we talk? I really didn't think we'd have to talk this soon. Yes I knew eventually I'd have to hear his side of the story. Me: Umm sure. I leaned back on the window and looked at him. Thatso: I know that you probably wondering if all of that is really true but it's only fair I tell you my side. Me: Can I ask you something first? Thatso: Umm okay. Me: Were you ever going to tell me? Thatso: Well.. I.. Umm He was stuttering so I already knew my answer I just nodded. To say that didn't hurt was an understatement but I was not going to let him see that. Me: You can continue. At this point I didn't want to dwell too much in something that was going to hurt me all over again. Maybe going to Varsity would help take my mind off things give me something positive to look forward to. Thatso: I love you Boitumelo with all my being. If I had to choose it'd be you above everyone and everything. When I saw you for the first time. I knew I had to make you mine. It wasn't because of my brother but because of what I was feeling deep inside. Love At first sight can sound like a cliche to some people but I saw it to be true with you. You know I could hear the sincerity in his voice but was he really being honest? I mean we here because of his lies could it be that he planned this too? I was doubting him because had he not lied to me we wouldn't be here. We had something good going on and as much as the truth sets one free being comforted with a lie would have been better for me. Thatso: When he saw I had an interest in you he couldn't let go. He had always been obsessed with being better than me in everything. He's the one who came with the idea and it was stupid of me to follow through with it. Me: So the colored girl? He cleared his throat. I was just staring at him. I really needed a benkey at that point. Thatso: She's just someone I met. Me: She must think of me as such a fool. Thatso: She was lying though. I think your ex told her to say all that. She knew about you. We fucked once then she blackmailed me into a relationship. I didn't want to be with her but I also didn't wanna lose you. Me: You expect me to believe that? Thatso: We can call her. Me: Maybe y'all planned this. Thatso: How would she know I'm with you? That made sense. She probably thinks we broke up and she'll finally have him all to herself. Anyway he called the hoe and put her on loudspeaker. Hoe: Finally! I rolled my eyes. I had to keep quiet just so she doesn't suspect any foul play. Thatso: Hi. Hoe: That's all you gonna say? I've been trying to call you to no avail. I was worried as hell. Thatso: Why? Hoe: We dating after all. Thatso: And we both know how that came to be. Hoe: I thought we were over that. I mean that tattooed bitch is no longer in the picture so nothing is stopping us now. Thatso: You think I'd still wanna be with you? I lost the love of my life because of you! Hoe: Me? You think I was gonna let you be with her? I love you Kgothatso. Thatso: Blackmailing me is love? Hoe: I did what I had to. Thatso: You disgust me. Hoe: Look I'm sorry. I'm sorry for blackmailing you but please. Thatso: It's over Nikki. Hoe: What?! He hung up. I just looked at him. I wanted to believe him I really did but I still wasn't convinced. How did Rena know all about this? Could It be he long wanted us to break up? I couldn't help the feeling that he had a hand in all of this and I was yet to find out. One way or the other. Thatso: So? Me: I need time. He sighed and nodded. Me: I love you. Thatso: Even after..? I nodded. I really did. I kissed him on the cheek took my stuff and left.

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