Prologue love, lust & desire

TRINNY It all sounded like a dream to me the words kept replaying in my mind “They made a bet about you ” I chuckled. I couldn’t believe this I didn’t want to believe it. You know what’s worse is they didn’t even try to deny it. I didn’t know whether I should scream or cry whether I should be pissed or sad. I really didn’t know. This was happening again I was getting hurt because of love. Love Neh. I loved Kgothatso I gave him my all. What was funny at that point was I still loved him. It hurt so much because the feelings I had for him still hadn’t changed it hurt because I loved him with all my heart and I could feel it breaking. I still Needed him my heart and soul still yearned for him. “You awake ” I looked at the door and it was the doctor. I couldn’t even smile at him. Me: I wasn’t sick. Dr: Well I’m still keeping you overnight for observation. Me: That’s not necessary. Dr: Last time I checked I was the doctor. I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled. All I needed was to be alone with my own thoughts. I didn’t need him pestering me. You know when you at that state where you know the truth but your refuses to believe it because it knows how much it’s going to hurt? That’s how I felt at that point. The reality was still foreign to me I still couldn’t believe. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. God knows how it was going to break me up. I really don’t know what I did for Karma to keep punishing me like this. I grew up with my mom always on my case and now I always go for the bad ones. Only on my second boyfriend and yet another heartbreak. Maybe this dating ain’t for me. Maybe I should try girls or how about being single? All these shit is fucked up. Dr: Earth to Boitumelo? I groaned. This guy is still here. I actually felt like getting up from this bed and strangling the living daylights outta him maybe that would have made me feel a bit better. I just didn’t have the strength. I was defeated. I don’t even know how I got here or even who brought me here. Dr: Your stress levels are pretty high for a 17 year old. Me: That’s all? Dr: You need to take it easy. Me: I’m not pregnant and I sure as hell ain’t disable. Dr: You feisty. You annoying but I didn’t tell him that. I was going mad why couldn’t this guy just shut up and leave me in peace? I needed space I needed to think but it was pretty hard with him all over my face. I rolled my eyes I was so close to breaking point. Was I really asking for too much? I really needed to be alone with my thoughts right now. A whole lot of things were running in my mind. I wondered if I deserved to live because really nothing ever goes right in my life. Why couldn’t I be happy? Why was I given Happiness as a name if it’s not prophetic? This was really fucked up. My name is Boitumelo Trinny Barbie Zulu and this is my story again. I hope you ready to hear from me again. . KRISTEN Mom: You’ll get through this baby I know you will. Me: Mom please. I was laying in my bed next to a half empty bottle of Sky Vodka. This has been my life ever since Hope fucked me up. To think my baby would have been born by now and she deprived me of that chance. I wondered how he could have looked or she. I had a lot planned for our baby and she had to kill him and move on like nothing ever happened. The picture is still very vivid in my mind. Why couldn’t she at least break up with me before moving on to another dick? But again why should I be surprised. She’s a Johnson’s after all. That’s what they do. They take why should I be surprised. She’s a Johnson’s after all. That’s what they do. They take take and hurt. Her parents took our father from us deprived us of 7 years with him and she she deprived me of fatherhood. She could have at least given birth and gave the baby to me I would have managed just fine without her. But no she didn’t. She didn’t even stop once to think about how this would affect me or even at least tell me about her pregnancy. Mom: I hate seeing you like this. I looked at her with my eyes blood shot red from all the crying it still hurt to the core What she did to me. To think I used to think I was the shit breaking girls hearts left right and Centre and yet it took me one bitch to show me what’s what. Karma really is a bitch! Me: You should be looking after your son. Mom: You are my son. Me: My little brother won’t look after himself. To think my baby would be playing with him now. Why did she do this to me? I loved her I gave up my player life for her. I was fully dedicated to her. All for what? For her to snatch my heart and break it into a million pieces? She’s probably having fun enjoying life wherever she is while I’m here failing to put the pieces of my torn heart together. Me: I hate you Hope. It came as whisper but I meant it. She made me weak. I should have killed her! I should have listened to my parents when they told me to break it up with her but did I listen? No. All for what? Love? Well fuck love. My name is Kristen Rhodes and this is my story yet again. Join me as I try to pull myself together after love fucked me up. . PALESA We took our bags and loaded them into his car. We had just landed in Johannesburg. I can’t believe I haven’t been home in over a year. Well after I was admitted at the center and the healing happened I surprised him with the all expenses paid baecation and we went straight to the Maldives. Tony: Home sweet home. Me: Yes baby! He chuckled and perked me lightly on the lips. Me: I can’t believe it’s been a year. Tony: And look at you you even glowing. I’m proud of you baby. Me: And it’s all thanks to you sticking with me through thick and thin. Tony: No baby it was all you. All I did was hold your hand. Me: And I thank you. Tony: You know you haven’t kissed me in South Africa. Me: Really? Tony: Yes baby never in this year. I giggled. He put his hands on my waist and brought our faces closer and he smashed his lips. His hands went to my butt as he deepened the kiss. We broke it and caught our breathes. Tony: Welcome home. Me: That’s quite a welcome. We laughed and he opened the door for me and I got in. He started the car when he got in at his side and he drove off. This was it. I was going home and I couldn’t be more excited. We locked hands as I looked outside the window. There’s no better feeling like home. My name is Palesa Michaela Phillips and this is my story again. Join me as I let you in through the journey of my life after healing.

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