FEW MONTHS LATER
Me: "She says her water just broke "
Retha: "And you're still here? Let's go"
She said this grabbing my car keys and pulling my hand
Thank God it wasn't in the evening. We had just arrived from work.
Me: " I'm scared "
Do you blame me? I had gotten used to the idea of having a baby and was looking forward to it.
I even had a room in my place turned into a nursery.
We were having a boy.
Mom had April move in with her and she was also going to help with the baby.
In the past months we had also payed damages.
April's mom was sweeter but her father wanted nothing to do with the baby.
He still supported her though and so did I.
She drove to the hospital since April was already there with my mother.
My heart was beating out of my chest.
She ran to me and we hugged.
Me: "Where is she? "
She took my hand and led the way.
Mom: "You can go in"
Me: "Can't I watch from here? "
Retha: "Go in babe"
Mom: "I'm with her on this one "
I sighed and went in.
April: "Fuck you made it"
Me: "Is it painful? "
I went to her sat next to her and held her hand.
April: "What do you think? Shit hurts more than it did when I lost my virginity "
Me: "I'm sorry"
She gave me a death stare then screamed. I could see she was in pain.
I kissed her hand.
Me: "You can do this"
April: "If I... If I don't make it take care of my son"
Me: "What? "
The ob had never mentioned any thing when we went to her appointments so I was confused.
She didn't say anything but screamed again.
Two hours later and she could finally start pushing.
I swear if I didn't break my hand then I never will.
She was squeezing the life out of it.
Soon enough we finally heard a small cry. I kissed her cheek.
Me: "You made it"
She gave me a lazy smile.
Dr: "Your baby"
Me: "He looks pale"
Dr: "He's a mixed baby after all"
They gave him to April.
I couldn't stop myself from crying. It was an overwhelming moment.
I held his little hand.
Me: "My son"
April: "Sapphire. That's his name "
Me: "What does that even mean? "
I was allowed to hold him for a minute then the nurse took him away.
I went out since April was resting. She couldn't even answer my question.
My mom stood up from the bench.
Mom: "And? "
Me: "He's here. He's healthy. He's mine"
She gave me a hug. She also cried.
April was discharged two days later. I named my son Lungile. So he was Lungile Sapphire Ngcobo.
It was now Friday and I was going to check on my baby.
He was just three days old.
Me: "Fana? "
I was just about to get out.
Fana: "I heard you have a son now"
Me: "What are you doing here? "
I hadn't seen or heard from him in months so this was a surprise.
His reasons didn't make any sense to me because no matter how he might try to defend himself he was a monster in my eyes.
Fana: "I came to say goodbye. I'm leaving. For good"
Me: "Goodbye then"
He nodded then left.
I went to my car and drove home.
"If I were to be given another chance to love you I'd do things better. I wish I could have that clean chance or maybe have time go back so I can fix my wrongs.
Unfortunately it's just a wish. I wronged you Keamo in so many different ways. You had been good to me loved me unconditionally and brought light into my Dark world. I messed it all up because of my demons. I couldn't see what was right in front of me. The thought of having to live with HIV was one I couldn't bare so I thought why not spread it? I didn't see why I had to suffer like that so I wanted other people to experience it. I didn't want it to be just my reality but I thought the more the more the merrier. I thought it'll make me feel better.
What I didn't think of was you. I didn't think of how it'll affect you. I didn't think of the love you had for me. I was so consumed by spreading it that nothing else mattered. I'll never stop saying sorry for all that I did to you.
I realise that I never deserved your love. Come to think of it I don't deserve love.
I hope you find someone who's going to love you wholeheartedly and treat you like the queen you are. Someone who'll worship the ground you walk on and who'll never put a frown on your face.
I realise it'll be selfish of me to expect you to forgive me and /or take me back. You deserve more. A whole lot more.
I know a letter doesn't fix anything. I just want you to forget about me and that you ever knew me. I wish that you have the house since you chose it. It's in your name and you can call my lawyer whenever you want to have it.
I wiped the tears that had managed to fall.
I was reading it for the third time now. The news were all over.
I took a sip of my wine. I didn't think my Sunday will turn out like this.
He had succeeded in his suicide this time.
No matter what he did to me my heart still cried out for him.
This was a man I loved and whom I thought I'll spend my whole life with.
He was gone. He had killed himself.
There was a knock on my door and I went to open.
We were in the second week of June so it was pretty cold.
Lungisani: "I'm sorry"
He gave me a hug.
It was exactly what I needed. I let him in.
He was alone.
Lungisani: "He came to See Me on Friday. I didn't think this is what he meant by goodbye "
Me: "He was coward yet again. He couldn't deal with the results of his infidelity and now months later he does this"
Lungisani: "I didn't think his death would affect me like this"
Me: "I thought I had forgotten about him. I know about our history but this is... It's overwhelming. "
In the evening I received a visit from Hugh.
I still wondered how the two knew where I stayed.
I never asked. My mind was just too packed to think about it.
Me: "Anything to drink? "
Hugh: "That son of a bitch doesn't deserve your tears "
My eyes had bags but I had cried enough.
I was mad and hurt by this.
Me: "I know that. "
He took my hand and we went to sit down.
Hugh: "You shouldn't be crying for him. He was a sick bastard "
Me: "You're not making me feel any better now"
Hugh: "My son wants your number "
Me: "Does he now? "
Hugh: "Yes. I'll give it to him. I came because I heard about the suicide. I know that no matter how angry you might be you still love him"
Me: "It makes me feel so stupid. He hurt me played me and just used me to convince everyone that he's not a monster. If he cared about me he wouldn't have done what he did "
Hugh: "This is the time for you to finally move on from that. It's been about six months since you broke up so you'll get there. Take care "
I didn't bother going to his funeral.
I heard that he was cremated.
I spent the remainder of the month visiting April.
I wasn't ready to go home and I was also In love with her curly child. He was beautiful and looked like his father.
The beginning of July I moved back to the house.
I made sure to get rid of everything. It was going to be a New start for me.
I looked at him laughing at whatever. My son suddenly never put his phone down.
I found this amusing.
Minni: "Stop looking at the boy "
Me: "Oh let me be "
We were having breakfast. We had come here the previous week.
It was a chilled Monday.
Minni: "I still can't believe you guys are here"
She hugged me from behind.
Me: "It's only my youngest daughter who couldn't come. Her mom feels she's too young plus she won't stop breastfeeding "
Minni: "It's OK. I'm just glad I get to spend time with you and these two "
Esihle was concentrating on her food.
Minni took a seat next to me.
We still hadn't gone on our vacation.
We were going in September. Apparently that's one of the best times to visit Hawaii.
Me: "Esihle must be happy to have friends her age"
The twins were three too.
Lonwabo: "Dad I have a girlfriend "
We had went out to some place that had different kinds of games. It was like a fair.
Me: "When did this happen? "
Lonwabo: "Been a while. I'm just telling you"
He was still on his phone.
Minni: "I thought Ashanti was forward but thank God she doesn't have a girlfriend "
Me: "Lonwabo Is a man "
Minni: "You'd be saying the opposite if it was Esihle "
Me: "True. I'd kill whoever that is"
Ashanti: "My friends are coming. I hope it's not a problem "
Minni: "No it's not. As long as they're no boys "
She rolled her eyes.
Ashanti: "Yes mom. "
Me: "Do you see yourself having more kids? "
Minni: "Maybe if I get married and it lasts for ten years "
Me: "One failed marriage and you lose hope"
Minni: "I had invested a lot there "
"You're playing happy families with my kids? Mine?! "
That was her ex husband who came holding the twins.
Minni: "Junior don't make a scene "
Jr: "Minenhle why do you hurt me? "
Minni: "How am I hurting you? "
I wasn't interested in whatever that was so I took Esihle and we went to some other games for kids her age.
Wow Bafana! Kea sorry dear but life moves on and you will be happy again someday