I woke up feeling tired. Does it make sense? Probably not but that's really how I felt when I woke up. I tried forgetting about what happened. The feel of his lips on mine was just too perfect too amazing but I couldn't put myself through all that again. Yes I enjoyed every second of the kiss and at some point I didn't want It to stop but it shouldn't have happened. I should not have gave into temptation. As far as I know he could be just like those guys who lusted over my body and as soon as they got what they wanted they did not only leave but made sure to crush me in the process. Imagine having sex with someone today and waking up tomorrow to find out that everyone knows about it. Him having told them how much it was such a waste of dick while the fucken bastard couldn't stop groaning your name. I sighed. I didn't want to have to reach back into that deep past of mine. I had forgotten about it. I had come very far but he just had throw me back into the hole of my dark history. I didn't want to reminisce the bitter end of my past. All I wanted was to look back on the good memories. The good memories of my father and I. All the love we've shared and that has grown even more today. I took a few deep breaths. Me: You should have just left me alone Kamogelo. I screamed. God I was frustrated. Why is this happening to me? Dad: You talk alone now? Me: Oh dad. He looked at me giving me a pitiful look. I didn't understand why I couldn't stop thinking about him about our kiss. Why couldn't I just forget? I didn't want to feel anything for him other than dislike. Something I had before he touched me before I felt his breath on my face before I felt his lips on mine before I got lost in his touch. Gosh this was so frustrating. Dad: Talk to me baby. I sighed and started playing with my fingers. The good thing about talking is that it lifts off the burden in your shoulders. It might not be all of it but It makes it lighter. Me: I don't know where to start. Dad: How about at the beginning? You know I will never judge you. The thing about my father is he's a good listener and always knows what to say to make a person feel better. I'd sometimes tease him and say he should have been a psychologist. Me: Ok so there's this guy. Dad: I figured. Me: You did? Dad: Of course I did I'm not a kid you know. Me: Oh yeah. Dad: Go on baby. Me: He's been like chasing after me and I told him to leave me alone. Dad: I'm guessing he never listened and continued pursuing you. Me: Please let me finish. He chuckled. Dad: Alright I'll shut up Me: Please. Anyway like I was saying before you interrupted me he's been pursuing me for more than a month now. Dad: And you only telling me now? Me: You promised to let me finish. Dad: I'm asking a simple question. Me: You can ask questions after I'm done. Dad: Alright baby. I sighed. Dad wasn't taking any of this serious while I on the other side needed to offload. Me: I asked him countless times to leave me alone then he let me be for a month. I thought I was finally rid of him but I was wrong. He chuckled and I looked at him. He mouthed an "I'm sorry" . All I needed was for him to listen that's all. Me: This is serious baba. Dad: I'm really sorry baby. Me: If you continue like this I'm going to stop. I frowned then looked at him with my arms folded. Dad: I'll stop I promise. Me: That's all you've been saying but you never go on with it. Dad: It's the last time baby. Me: You making it hard for me to confide in you. Dad: Can I say something before you continue? Me: What? Dad: Can I or can I not? Me: Okay you can dad. Dad: I know you still scared of history repeating itself and this boy probably hinders all you had tried so hard to bury. He makes it all resurface in your mind. I nodded. He was right. I didn't want to go through it all again I might have survived depression that time but this time there's no telling if I'll be able to survive. Depression is a deadly condition one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Dad: Look baby I want you to know that I'll always be here for you. I can see that you scared of relapsing and I don't want you to think it that way. I also don't want you to not live. I mean I am not saying be rebellious but all I'm saying is take a risk once In a while. It's all part of life. I don't want you to look back and regret declining What could have been your once in a lifetime opportunity of love. Me: I don't know dad. Dad: Don't overthink it. Listen to your heart. Me: I just have a million thoughts running in my mind a thousand voices driving me insane. Dad: Give yourself a break Nono. Work on yourself first then you can think about Kamogelo. Me: How did you.... Dad! He chuckled and left. He had actually heard me talking alone. My dad though. Talking to him really helped. It always does. I got up from my bed then went to brush my teeth. After brushing my teeth I went to the kitchen. I was hungry I went to the kitchen. I was hungry I hardly ate at school. A banana that I hardly finished isn't food. Me: You didn't cook? Dad: That's your job baby. Me: But dad that's not fair. Dad: I'm kidding. Angithi I told you I'd be having a busy day. Me: Oh yeah I forgot. Dad: You were busy thinking ngo Kamogelo to give a damn. Me: Yoh Give me a break. It's enough that everyone at school keeps pestering my peace with his name. I covered my ears with my hands and he laughed. I ended up joining in. I made a simple pap with Inkomazi. I was hungry phela so I wasn't about to wait a lot of time for the food to be cooked. I ate while watching TV then went to bed when I was feeling tired. I didn't have any plans for Saturday. Dad was long gone when I woke up. I woke up around 9am. I didn't have school so I had no reason to wake up. I washed my face and teeth before going to the kitchen. I made coffee for myself which I ate with bread. It wasn't an interesting day for me. When I had watched all the omnibus that was on TV I finally took a bath. I wore denim shorts with a black vest and flipflops. I wasn't going somewhere either way. I started undoing my hair it was long overdue. I washed my hair and dried it with a dryer afterwards. Dad was still not back. I was hungry and lazy. I searched for some notes so I can go buy a bunny chow I wasn't about to cook. Dad will have to forgive me. I had let my hair loose. I needed to go relax it because It was too curly. My hair is like that of Amanda ( Lelo in Skeem Saam ) I'd have to ask dad for money I preferred my hair straight. Anyway I put on a cardigan then got out and locked the house. A taxi stopped just as I was at the gate and I was surprised to see Thuli getting off I wasn't expecting her but I was happy to see her. Me: Hey. Thuli: Don't hey me give me a hug. I chuckled rolling my eyes and gave her a hug. We broke it after a while. She was wearing a torn boyfriend Jean with a pink croptop and Nike Rosh. Me: You look amazing. Thuli: In these? No ways. Me: I mean it though. Thuli: Thanks love. I see you showing some meat. I laughed and pushed her away lightly. Me: Let me be. Thuli: And the hair is saucy. Me: If only you knew how much I hated it when it's like this. Thuli: But it's yummy. Me: Thanks babe. I blew her a kiss. We were still standing at the gate. Thuli: How long are we going to stand here? I had even forgotten that I was going to buy a bunny chow. Me: Oh no I was actually going out. Thuli: Oh? She frowned. Me: Yes but you can come with. She grinned and I chuckled. Thuli: Where are we going? Me: I'm going to buy a bunny chow. Thuli: it's been long since I had one Me: Let's go then. Thuli: Cool. We walked to the chisanyama which was like 20 minutes away and it would have seemed like a long journey if I had been walking alone. She was telling me about Xoli and how she's so in love with him. I had told her about Kamo too and she was excited like I just said we getting married. We not even thinking. Thuli: I'm sure he's a good kisser Neh I mean those perfect pink lips. Oh God I had forgotten that she's such a fan of him. Me: You forgot what happened the last time you talked about him? She looked behind us and around then I laughed. Thuli: He wouldn't pop up here now would he? Me: You can never know. We arrived at the chisanyama and there were already a few cars. It's because there's a car wash too here and a salon so it's always busy. There's even a little liquor store. Thuli: Looks like it gets down here. Me: You got no idea. I didn't like coming here. I only came when I wanted a bunny chow when I'm seriously craving it. The reason I don't come Here is because of how they'd look at me like a lion seeing a fresh prey. We ordered then sat down on one of the bench chairs waiting for our order. Thuli: So you ran? Me: Huh? Thuli: After the kiss. Me: I regretted letting It happen. It was good no lie I mean I didn't want it to end at some point and when he picked me up with my legs wrapped around his waist... Mm( I closed my eyes while saying the "mm" and she laughed) It shouldn't have happened though. Thuli: Why you punishing yourself like this? Me: I'm not following. Thuli: It's clear you have feelings for the guy so why you fighting with your heart desires? Me: You wouldn't understand. Thuli: Make me. Me: I don't wanna talk about it. Thuli: You'll tell me when you ready. I nodded. Our order was ready so I paid. We decided to eat our bunny chows right there. Some guys came to our table there were three of them. Guy1: Can we join you two? I looked at them and shook my head. Thuli was actually disgusted. After cursing us they left and we laughed. Me: Perverts! Thuli: Assholes! We laughed and high five. After finishing our drinks and everything we left. Thuli took a cap when I was closer to home. We shared a hug and she got in. I walked the remaining distance alone home. Dad wasn't there yet. I changed my mind and decided to cook just in case he comes hungry. I dished up his food and put it in the microwave. I then went to watch TV browsing through the four channels. This is one of the times on which I wish we had a DSTV console. I heard dad opening the door and he got inside but he wasn't alone. He got in with this familiar looking woman. I don't know where I had seen her but I knew I had seen her somewhere. Dad: Hello baby. Me: Hey daddy. My focus was on this woman while my mind was trying to trigger my memory so I can remember where I had seen her. She smiled at me revealing her perfect teeth. She was really so beautiful. Dad cleared her throat and my attention shifted from the woman to him. Dad: I'd like you to meet someone. Me: She looks familiar. Dad: I know. I got up. Dad: This is Kitso. She's Umm.. She's my girlfriend. Me: Your what? My eyes popped out. It took a while for it to register. Kitso: Hello Bonga. No no this couldn't be happening. Me: No.. No Tears filled my eyes. Dad: Yes baby. Me: You can't do this to Mom. Dad: Khensani listen. Me: No baba I ran out of the house. I didn't care how late it was. This was just too much to take in.