Me: Baba I'm scared. I frowned and looked down. I don't think I was ready would I ever be? The days had just gone by swiftly. I mean a minute ago we were welcoming the new year but now here I am in front of the mirror and having just worn my new uniform which fitted me perfectly like my father said. Dad: Baby you can do this. I know you strong now don't let anyone bring you down. Remember that not everyone will be nice. Just put your head up high and move on. Me: It's not that easy. I raised my head and looked at him. I just don't understand what's so bad with me. Do I really look like an alien? Like some creature? Why do people treat me this way? Like I'm some foreigner. I doubt I'll end up like some other kids. Will I also grow up and find a husband who will love me just like I am? Who won't judge me ever or say bitter words to me? I sighed. Life has never been easy for me I've never been happy. Growing up without my mother and having people bully me till this age. I just hoped that things would be different this time. At least I also had Tiisetso but what if she suddenly changes? That's how people are right. They treat you better now then tomorrow they see you as trash. I didn't wanna trust her for now. I've long trusted people only for them to put a knife on my back. Dad: You worry too much. Let's go we can't have you late on your first day. Me: Can't I skip this day? Dad: No Nana. I believe in you. Please don't disappoint me. I nodded. We went to the kitchen where we had our breakfast before he drove me to my school. I looked at all those kids and I suddenly felt like running back. My heart started beating fast and my chest got heavy. I started breathing in and out hyperventilating because I was about to have a panic attack. My dad hugged me and I got out bidding him farewell after he gave me my lunch money. Me: I can do this. I assured myself before going through the yard. As much as that fell into deaf ears I had to assure myself that I can be brave enough to do this. I looked like a lost puppy not having an idea of where to go. I so wish that there was like an orientation program even in Secondary schools. When the bell rang I followed everyone to the hall. I felt so out of place it's been a while since I've been in such a crowd. I'm just thankful for my anti-anxiety pills or I would be having a major anxiety attack now. The new learners were told to remain behind and it was good to see that I wasn't the only one. Who am I kidding? Of course I'm not the only. We were shown our classes and I just went there. I was able to find an empty seat and I sat down. The learners were making noise but suddenly it got quite. I looked at the door and there was this girl. Tall slender and very light in complexion. I guess she was the clear definition of beautiful. She came to my direction with two other girls and my heart started beating fast. What was about to happen here? She stood in front of me and I couldn't even face her instead I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. She cleared her throat and I looked at her. Girl: So you just gonna fucken shut up like you some mute bitch? Didn't you hear all the shit I've been spitting? I just stared at her. I panicked I didn't know what to say. The whole class was paying attention and some were even laughing. Girl: Ain't got time to argue with a cheap ugly bitch. I mean look at me. She fiddled with her long hair. This girl held so much prestige you'd think she's the daughter of the President or something. One of the girls who were with her spoke. Girl2: Just get out of her seat before shit hits the fan. Khante what's with the swearing? I alone think that swearing is so unattractive especially on a girl. I got up with a tail between my legs and took my bag. I didn't even know where I was gonna sit. I was really embarrassed I even wanted to cry but I wasn't about to give them that satisfaction. The class was laughing and At that moment I don't know how but I remembered my father's words "Keep your head high " I found a seat at the back and lessons commenced. I was surprised to see Tiisetso during break I didn't even know she was also in this school. I thought that maybe she went to some private school. She came to me and we shared a brief hug. Tiisetso: Why didn't you tell me you attending here? Me: It's my first day here. Tiisetso: Ohh.. But At least now I know that we go to the same school. I nodded. Tiisetso: Have you made any friends? Friends? If only she knew I was the laughing stock of my class. During all those lessons I had just been waiting for breaktime so I could get out of there and finally breathe. Why did life have to be this hard on me though? I shook my head. I doubt anyone would wanna be friends with me. If only she knew that she's probably the first friend I've ever had. Tiisetso: Well it's just your first day I'm pretty sure you'll make some. I didn't think that was about to happen. Was she about to leave me for her friends? I really felt rejected at that point. I didn't even say anything. I looked at her as she left me to go join her friends maybe I was too embarrassing for her. It's my father's words which echoed In my head that helped me go on during the day. I was happy when I saw my father's car parked outside to come fetch me. I really couldn't wait to get out of that hellhole. I so hate school. The way everyone treated me. You'd swear I have some contagious disease that made people play as far from me as possible. I got inside and sighed deeply. Dad: Was it that bad? I laid back on my seat. Me: You don't wanna know. He just kept quiet started the car and drove off. I immediately took off my uniform when we arrived at home. Luckily for me we did not have any homework as it was our first day. I got started on our food whilst my father was busy working. I made pap with stew. I dished up for the both of us and we ate in front of our box TV. After eating I took our plates and went to wash them before going to take a nap. The following day I was very sad when I realized I'm still alive. Don't blame me though. I really have no purpose to be alive. I took the water my dad had prepared for me and bathed. After bathing I dried lotioned wore my bra and panties then wore my school tunic. It was too revealing for me because I'm thick so it made me a bit uncomfortable. I've always wished that I didn't have a body like this. I also wanted to be a size 28 with those Rihanna boobs instead of having this Kim Kardashian kinda body. I've seen them In the fashion magazines that dad always brings home whenever he comes from the city. I ate my porridge and he drove me to school. I secretly hoped that today becomes much better than yesterday. I don't think I'll be able to survive something like that again I doubt I will. Dad: Don't let anyone bring you down. No matter what happens just remember I love you and you're beautiful in my eyes. Keep your head high and smile. Me: It's hard daddy. I hate it here. Dad: You'll get used to it. He kissed me on the forehead gave me my lunch money before I got off and he drove away. I walked to my class looking down. I know people are still talking about what happened yesterday. I could hear them gossiping about me when I entered the class. I just went to my seat sat down and waited for the siren to ring. I went to assembly when it did and we were dismissed after all announcements were made. I went back to class I'm really such a loner. I was surprised to find some girl sitting next to my seat. She smiled when she saw me approaching and I hadn't seen her yesterday. I slowly walked to my place then sat down greeting her then looked forward. She poked me. Girl: I'm Thulisile. Me: Nokubonga. We shared a handshake. Thuli: You beautiful. I gave her a fake smile. I've never had anyone compliment me other than my father but I've never believed him so why should I believe this girl whom I suddenly met? The drama queen entered with her squad and they sat down Thuli cursed between her teeth. I wasn't about to mess with those girls again not after what happened yesterday. The teacher came and lessons began. It's during this lessons that I learnt that this bully of a girl was very stupid for someone who looked beautiful. I guess beauty doesn't come with brains. Thuli: So what are you going to eat? I was with Thuli who insisted on going to eat with me. After Tiisetso I really couldn't trust anyone who wanted to be friends with me. She could suddenly turn away from me too that easily. I shrugged my shoulders. I guess she has now realized that I'm not a talkative person. Thuli: I don't know Ke Bonga what's wrong? Me: I don't have much money. Thuli: I didn't ask you about money Me: Why are you being so nice to me? Thuli: We are friends. Me: We just met. Thuli: Have you ever been to church? That's one subject I didn't want to touch on. The next she'll be telling me about God and his goodness which I have never experienced not even once on my life. I didn't reply cause religion was one topic I didn't want to indulge on. Thuli: Mm.. Let's go buy food Ke we'll revisit this conversation some other time. We bought amangwinya with Archaar and French then we ate over a light chat. It was actually her talking and me just nodding to whatever she was saying. We went back to class when the bell rang. I hadn't even seen Tiisetso today but I let that not bother me. I guess we just friends at home not at school. I found my father waiting for me again and Thuli forced me to hug her before we parted. I went to our car looking much better than I did when I left it this morning. Dad: You look much better. Me: I guess your words got to me. Dad: I only want you to be happy you've been through a lot. Me: I love you daddy. Dad: I love you too baby. We got home and I was surprised to find that he had cooked. Me: That's a first. Dad: I wanted to spoil my baby. I hugged him tightly before letting go because he said I was suffocating him. Dad: Now be a good girl and go take off your uniform before we eat. I obliged and came back after changing into a simple T-shirt and shorts. After eating I washed the dishes before doing my homeworks.