The first of January. The beginning of a new year. It comes with a whole of expectations and anticipations. For some people it's a new slate. "New Year new me" is a very common phrase. There's people making their new year resolutions it's really new beginnings for most of us. What I can say is it's when I began living. I had just come out of high school waiting in anticipation for my matrix results. I've always been a brainiac so I knew I have this on the bag. Can you actually believe I was at church yesterday? Yep. That's how I welcomed the new year at church. It's hard to believe that I'm this sweet girl. I spend most of my time at church I'm a pretty good girl. I mean I don't party I'm still a virgin and I've never kissed a boy before. I know it's confusing when you look at the title of this story but we'll get there. I had just woken up. We came home around 2am today so I had been very tired. I actually woke up around 10am hungry as hell. I went to the bathroom my room is an ensuite. Very huge. I have my own flat screen TV a couch and there are some chairs and table outside on the balcony. I have my own bathroom with a shower and a round bathtub. I brushed my teeth and also washed my face and half of my body. My room is on the third floor so I went downstairs to the kitchen. It was only the maids and chef then my little sister. Me: Morning. Lema: Hey Lilly I see you finally woke up. Me: I'm actually surprised you up too. Lema: I've actually just got here too. I laughed. Me: You just beat Me too it I'm so hungry. Lema: I could eat a lamb. Me: Bra! Ain't they done with the food yet? Chef: What would you like ma'am? Me: Whatever she's having. My little sister and I are like twins. We do everything together and we having the same taste when it comes to everything excluding men though. I don't even look older than her. I'm a bit shorter than here we both slender. I have the curves and ass while she has the boobs. We both have beautiful bodies too. Me: I don't know what to wear. Lema: Really? You have a wake-in closet filled with clothes come on. I had just taken a bath. It was my first time going to actually celebrate the new year. I was going to meet up with my boyfriend of three days there too. There was a celebratory gathering of some sort. Lema was coming with. Me: I'm confused. Lema: You so much work. Me: And you not helping. She groaned and got up from the couch. She went to my closet and came with white Guess skinny pants a black open back crop top and I wore Red Jimmy Choo heels. I'm not a makeup fan but I did put some on. I took my IPhone and bag then we went downstairs. Lema: Our ride has long arrived. I rolled my eyes. I'm really bad at being on time. The gathering was being held at some golf park. We were picked up by her boyfriend. My little sister is a bit forward. She's not even a virgin she's more outward than I am. She's more of an extrovert and I'm the introvert. I had never even been drunk before. Her boyfriend is 19 years old. He's doing his second year at varsity and she's only doing Grade 10. I'm a talkative person but only if I'm comfortable. I can say I've got quite a sense of humor. Did I mention the boyfriend is white? Yeap. Anyway we arrived at the park. There was quite a number of people. Lema: Can't wait to finally get drunk. Me: You got absolutely no chill. Her boyfriend's name is Calvin. They've been together for about a month. We'll I'm on my third boyfriend. I've always resisted guys who approached me because I just felt I won't be able to satisfy them. I mean who would wanna date a girl who can't even kiss. I'd act like I don't want them even when I knew deep down I felt the same. I just couldn't. I dated someone last year for four months and we never kissed. I think it's called Philematophobia. The extreme fear of kiss. So with this four months guy he tried kissing me once and I got so scared I cried. He asked me why and I told him I almost got raped sometime which was the truth actually. I just had never opened up about it to anyone not even my little sister whom I tell everything. We broke up because I couldn't be with him anymore and it was bad because he had changed his player ways for me. He's still trying to get us back together but I can't I don't love him. I've never really loved anyone. Then the second guy well a coward. He took me to his crib on our second date forced some kissing which I didn't reply to. His plan was to actually fuck me though he knew I was a virgin. I told him to take me home and that's where it all ended. Now my boyfriend. Thulo. He's black. Well I've always had this thing of approaching guys just for fun. I'd go and flirt with some guy then leave em like that. I just got charm man and these fools always fall for it. Same thing with my current boyfriend. I have this thing for dark guys so I saw him and went over to him. I was with Palema at Dros. He was sitting alone and I told her I could get him. It was more of a bet. I went over to him he had his eye on her but I didn't care. Flirted a bit gave him a perk on the lips and we left. No number exchange nothing. The following day I met him again coincidentally and boom we hang out. He wanted me to finish what I started which was the kiss but I declined. He ended up asking me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. Three days later we hang out. He wanted me to finish what I started which was the kiss but I declined. He ended up asking me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. Three days later here we are. Thulo: You look beautiful. Me: Thanks babe. I smiled. I was on my second glass of wine. It was my first time drinking and the wine didn't even taste like alcohol but I was getting drunk. I left Lema at the car with her boyfriend. We were chilling with his crew it was a couples thingy. Did I mention he has a son? Yep I see some baby mama drama coming. One of his friends came with some heart shaped chocolate and gave it to him. The alcohol was really having quite an effect on me. Friend: You can only give it to her mouth to mouth. I giggled. I'm usually nervous when it comes to my mouth touching a guy's but it seemed the alcohol had managed to calm me down. He unwrapped the chocolate put it on his mouth and gave it too me mouth to mouth. I took it him following his lead. I wasn't about to act like an amateur here. The chocolate had a sort of minty taste. I heard camera sounds clicking and yep they took a picture. I had a long Malaysian weave on. The one from my matric dance which I was planning to take out. I had been thinking of cutting my hair. The weave reached my ass probably because I'm like so short though pictures make me look tall. Thulo: Let's go get some meat. They were now dishing up for everybody. It was late around 8 now. It was pretty dark just lights from cars and stuff. We went and got ourselves some meat. I ate while sipping on the wine. Thulo: I'm craving your lips. Me: Oh? Thulo: We've never had a real kiss. Me: It's only been three days. Thulo: I'm not about to date a girl without kissing her. This is the time when I miss my ex he was really so understanding never forced anything. But I know I had to let him go I just.. I figured I'm not a fan of long relationships. Four months was actually too long for me. I won't keep Thulo that long either but who knows destiny might have other plans for us. Thulo: Are you ever gonna kiss me? Me: I will. Thulo: Fuck that. He took my plate and cup and went to put them away. What I didn't mention was there was a guy who had approached me the same day before I sorta flirted with Thulo here. His name is Kagiso and he's hot with my skin tone tall with those pink lips. He has a girlfriend but she wasn't here. He was the only guy without a girlfriend here. Temptations come in all forms and packages that's all I'm going to say. Thulo took quite some time. Kagiso came to me and we were whispering he told me we were about to leave and that Thulo was putting stuff back into their cab. Kagiso: It's so unfair that he gets to have you. Me: You have a girlfriend though and I know her. Kagiso: I love my girlfriend but I just can't stay away from you. Me: You have to. You and Thulo are school mates anyway. Kagiso: I know but I just - Thulo: Let's get inside the cab guys. We nodded and got inside the cab. It was torture for Kagiso. I was sitting with Thulo at the back with Kagiso next to him and a couple next to Kagiso. Thulo just smashed his lips into mine and I just did what he did. I think I got the courage from the alcohol. It wasn't sloppy or anything it was going smooth for a first kiss. Yep that's when I got my first kiss. Just only two months away from turning 18. It's embarrassing but whatever. He broke it after a while. Thulo: Sit on top of me. Me: Oh? I felt bad because Kagiso will now have to watch two couples making out on his sides. He just looked forward. We arrived at some house in the townships. I actually prefer the townships than the suburbs cause it's where we find life. I was so drunk when I got off the taxi. I was even stumbling couldn't walk straight. I had to take off my heels. Thulo held me cause I couldn't walk straight and I actually thought I was going to fall there. We got inside the house and they pumped up the music. Sad thing with me is I can't dance so I didn't even bother. I was just sitting down enjoying the music while the others dance and some made out. I don't actually remember how but I was now in bed with Thulo on top of me and kissing like our life depended on it. He was dry humping me and the lights were off. I ended up moving in rhythm with him. I heard his friend scream " Use protection " The fuck? I wasn't about to sleep with this guy. Hell no. When I woke up my phone wasn't with me. I put on my top then got up. My head was pounding. Is this what hangover feels like? Damned. I made a vow never will I drink again like that would be true. I walked barefoot to the kitchen. I needed some water. It's where I found my phone. Kagiso: Give me your phone. Me: What? Kagiso: Just trust me and give it here. Me: Okay. I gave it to him and he did whatever with it. Kagiso: I deleted our chats. I saw Thulo going through your phone I think he read your whatsapp chats. He doesn't look good wherever he is. Always delete your chats. I don't want any trouble. Me: Oh. Kagiso: Yes. So that's how I knew I was dating a guy with trust issues. I mean we've just met and he's already going through my phone? That's madness and I think it's invasion of privacy. Kagiso: Don't tell him I told you. Don't even confront him. I nodded and he went back to where he was. Thulo came and I could see something was bothering him. I didn't even ask him about it. He had food which I ate after drinking a glass of water. I flirt a lot on my phone I wouldn't call it chatting. I chat mostly with guys and I never delete chats. I also have all the chats between my exes and I. I don't get why I have to delete stuff like I'm hiding something. What's in my phone is my business actually it's high time I put a password on my phone. Thulo: Your mind seems so far. Me: I'm okay just can't wait to go home. I'm tired. Thulo: Mm.. Okay. He was driving Kagiso me and some girls home. I was silent through most of it and I was actually thinking about this relationship of ours. Kagiso seemed like the better bet but the only problem was his girlfriend. I actually liked him more than I liked my boyfriend he didn't even come with a baby mama. I can't say love. I only like I don't fall in love. I did mention that I don't know love. I immediately took a shower when I got home. I didn't even talk to anyone. I took a well deserved nap there after. I needed the rest I hardly slept last night.