Looking back at my life it wasn't easy.
I lost most of the people I cared about and loved dearly.
I lost my family from my mom to my grandmother and the truth is if Susan had not opened her arms for us I don't know where I'd be.
She had been the greatest influence in my life and because we both lost people who mattered to us it made us closer.
Even at time when I felt like I had no reason to live she became it.
Just thinking of her made me look forward to life.
It was just two months later and I had come from home.
It was August now and Bryan and I had officially been together for three months.
Being back at home meant going to church because my sister wasn't having any of it.
It's hard to lie to someone with a gift like hers and because she could see beyond the eye I couldn't say no to her.
It was good being home but I hated being away from my boyfriend.
I couldn't even make up a lie to visit him so I spent close to a month not seeing him.
I missed him so much but at least we'd talk over the phone.
Me: "It won't stop"
I was on the phone with my sister Susan.
I had been having a headache for over a week now and it was seriously bothering me.
Sue: "Did you take painkillers? "
Me: "I did. I almost overdosed on them"
Sue: "Someone close to you might be suffering from a migraine "
Me: "And where do I fit there? "
Sue: "Thing is you tend to forget yourself when you're there "
Me: "Me? Never"
Sue: "Babe we'll talk. I have to go"
Shit. I forgot she was working.
Me: "Bye and thank you "
Sue: "You're welcome. I love you "
Me: "I love you too"
I hung up. I was laying on my bed in my room while holding tightly to my teddy bear.
The headache felt like someone was poking the sides of my head with needles. I could actually feel my heart beat on my head.
Michelle came in and frowned when she saw me.
Michelle: "Still sick? "
Michelle: "We should take you to the doctor "
Me: "Is it weird that I haven't seen Bryan since this started? "
Michelle: "Have you tried calling? "
Me: "Voicemail. Maybe something is wrong. I mean it's been a week now"
Michelle: "He hasn't tried reaching out? "
Me: "No. I've been so focused on this headache that I didn't get a chance to think too much about it"
Michelle: "Well I hope he's OK. I'm more worried about you now. It's Friday we should be going out"
Me: "I'm sorry"
Michelle: "It's OK. I have to go now Jozi is accompanying me to the salon "
We had planned to go do our hair.
I winked at her.
She kissed my forehead then left.
I decided to sleep.
I came with the cold damp cloth and put it on her forehead.
She smiled weakly looking at me.
I had received a call from my father telling me she's sick and I booked a flight immediately to Australia.
I had been here for a week now.
Mom: "You didn't have to come"
Me: "I had to. I want to be here for you"
Mom: "Don't you have a girlfriend? "
I laughed for the first time since I got here. She seemed better.
Me: "I call her Victory"
Mom: "Can I see her? "
I took out my phone from my pocket and went to the pictures.
God I hadn't talked to her in a week because I was stressing about my mother.
She was probably worried and mad at me now.
Mom: "Mm beautiful. You'll have beautiful mixed babies "
Me: "Really mom? "
Mom: "Yes but she looks young. I hope she's not underage "
Me: "She's 18"
Mom: "That's better but you're still older than her. I know you son"
Me: "Mom please. I love her"
Mom: "Don't mess it up"
I kissed her cheek and stood up.
I went outside where I took out a cigarette and smoked.
My father is black from South Africa and my mom is Australian and white.
She had a migraine which refused to go away.
I hoped it was just that. The last time she had it we almost lost her so I was scared.
I was just 24 and definitely not ready to lose any of my parents.
I had a brother who was 21 and a half-sister who was probably 27.
Dad: "How is she? "
He said standing next to me.
I was just observing cars passing outside.
Me: "Still the same "
He was coming from work.
Dad: "I'm worried about her. If this doesn't stop I'm taking her to the doctor "
Me: "You should. I know she doesn't want that"
Dad: "You know her too well. She likes acting strong even at her weakest "
Me: "But we're forcing her this time"
Dad: "I can't lose her"
Me: "You won't dad. She'll be OK. You know her"
He gave me a pat on the shoulder.
God knows what would happen if we were to lose her.
I watched her running while giggling. She kept spinning while I took the video.
I went to her and we kissed. I picked her up and she giggled yet again.
Her giggles echoed around my room. My bedroom and that's when I woke up.
I realised it was just a dream. I got up wore my flops and went to the kitchen where I had cold water.
What was that?
I had been having dreams of Katleho and they were haunting me.
She never showed any interest in me and I was good with that since she wasn't my type.
The last time I saw her was a month ago when she came to pick up her outfit for the wedding and that was it.
I didn't understand why I kept having these dreams of her.
We didn't even talk much.
I didn't think of her much so this was confusing for me.
I went to shower even though it was still early.
It was 6am on a Saturday so I had no where to go.
My phone rang when I got out of the shower.
It was Karabo.
Karabo: "I need you "
Then she cried.
Gosh it was still too early for that but I had to listen.
Me: "What's wrong? "
Karabo: "I'm pregnant "
OK I think someone had decided to prank me now.
Me: "What? "
Karabo: "Yes I'm pregnant and it's your baby "
Me: "Are you fucken serious? "
Karabo: "Dad threw a fit and hit me. I'm in hospital "
Jeso you see messing with kids.
Not that she is but Eish.
Me: "And the baby? "
Karabo: "She's fine. I don't know what to do"
Kafa my mom doesn't like her so this was a mess.
Me: "Don't worry we'll figure it out"
Karabo: "Can't you come here? "
Me: "I can't. Maybe next week "
Karabo: "OK "
This was just a big mess.
Yes it was fun with her but a baby? That meant I was tied to her for life now.
Oa bona not using protection now I have this responsibility.