part 3 anything but a happy girl

I got home tired as hell. It seems my day was doomed from the beginning. I put my bag down then changed into casual clothes. It ironic how the same person who rejoiced when I was born holds such hatred to her own breedthe same child she carried for nine full months. Did she not bond with me whilst I was still attached in her womb? She used to show me so much love I still wonder what went wrong. A mother's job is not to satisfy her kids or shower them with gifts instead its to ensure they are happy and love them unconditionally and equally. I didn't hate my mother I still don't. She had a choice of aborting me or giving me up for adoption but she chose neither. She decided to keep me and carry me full term. That to me is priceless. It means she saw something in me a certain significance. That's why I'm alive today. Why should I look at her faults? Is life not whats important? Surely that should me a lot to me. My life and the fact that I have a roof over my head and getting an education. I went to the kitchen and took my food. Beauty had cooked. She actually surprises me. She was given a million opportunities for education but she always messed up. She dropped out of school when she was doing Grade 11 because she felt she was too old. That's really not an excuse for me. I mean Vuvu failed her matric but she didn't give up on herself. She went to rewrite it and went she didn't make itshe went to a college instead. That's a person who's determined to make it no matter what. I ate my food and washed the dishes when I was done. I so wasn't in the mood of being screamed and shouted at. As if that depended on my mood # RollingEyes . I went to watch TV with the others. Mom wasn't home yet. Now that was surprising. We even went to sleep and she still hadn't come. I don't love being this miserable. I hate crying when I'm alone and wanting to die. I hate feeling this unimportant and useless. I hate feeling like an outcast. I'm so different from my other simblings. I know they talksay how I think I'm better than them. Why? Because I don't have a boyfriend? Because I don't dress like they do or put on make up like them? Ain't we all unique? Don't we all have our own preferances and perspectives when it comes to our bodies and what we put in it? In publicI'm that bubbles in that champagne. That's why people loved me. Cause I brought live in any situation. They missed me because of my craziness and cheerfulness. They mistaked me for someone who's happy and with no worries. Little did they know how broken I was inside. They saw a happy soul but the truth is I'm anything but happy. I had tried so many suicide attempts. I guess God wasn't ready for me yet or maybe he also didn't want me. I was so used to being unappreciated and unloved that I believed love doesn't exist. That's why I never believed anyone who says they love me and apart from not wanting to datethat's why I was single. I'm a really boring case neh? My lil sister had a boyfriend. Yep at just 13

that's why I was single. I'm a really boring case neh? My lil sister had a boyfriend. Yep at just 13turning 14. And I didn't even know a thing about dating I wasn't even interested. I woke up and took a super quick shower. I was late. Like really late. I dried and lotioned Quickly and wore my uniform. I combed my hair and made a ponytail. I took my bag and ran like literally ran to the kitchen. I took an apple and lunch money and got on my way. I was so late that there was not even a single kid on the road. I met with the smoking squad at the gate. I was the only girl who was late. We were told to pick up litter around the school yard. I didn't hesitate merely because this meant no repeat of yesterday's drama. I wasn't up for that again. We went to class straight after and the first lessons had began. Lucky for me there was no teacher yet in our class but he got in straight after I got in. Sedi:You need time management lessons. Me:Just because o early today you think you better. Teacher:Should I shut up and let you two teach? The disadvantages of seating in the front neh. Us:Sorry sir. We closed our pipes and lessons went on. We went to buy food during break time then went back to class there were other learners in class. We were sitting with two other girlsLerato and Masego. Masego stayed in the same hood as me while Lerato went to the same primary school as mewe even shared a class ka Grade5 and 6. Sego:Eish guys these guys are confusing me. When it comes to such a topicI always shut my pipe. Sedi:Which ones mata? Rato:Graeme and Honey. I say Honey. I mean he's so cuteGraeme just doesn't do it for me. Me:What kinda name is that? Sego:Its not his real name. So you think I should go for him? Sedi:Yeahthough I don't get why they both proposed you. Phela they are besties. Me:Beats me. Sego is a yellowbonetall n fit with some curves but ugly. Rato is coffee colourfit with those kiss legs or whatever they are. I didn't like The honey guy coz he's a player but this ugly bitch is so stupid. The bell rang and lessons commenced. I went home alone again.

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