SIXTY FIVE

ZAMA


My nerves calmed down when I stepped foot in the door Dlamini Mansion 

Everyone was confused those who know my past were assuming the worst about the situation 


"Does this mean she has kids with Tshepo?"


"Why is she here?"


Those are the questions that everyone had when we first arrived 

I was traveling with Pearl she is the only one who could calm my nerves down because Lebo was also nervous on his own 


Dee and Lesego said they would join us tomorrow which is the day of the ceremony for Lebo and his sons and then the following day it's mine 


Lebo's grandmother is a very sweet soul well she was kind of skeptical about everything but when Pearl assured her that we are fine she accepted me and besides it was hard not to since I have kids with their grandchild now 


I have been kept in a room where I stay thereI don't go out more often only when I need the bathroom food and checking up on my sons

I'm not allowed to be going in and out until I'm introduced to the ancestors the right way 


I did call my family and told them everything and at first they also thought the worst about me but I explained to them how I met Lebo and how all of this is not planned or sinister 


I don't even know how many times I've had to look for my boys they only come to me when I have to breastfeed them most of the time the women here take care of them 


I look at my husband's face and I see Joypeace and completeness I don't blame him a man is nothing without a family and he has been searching all his life for his family he prayed for it he prayed they accept him more especially his brother because their father was on the way to introduce Lebo to Tshepo's mother when they got into an accident that too both their lives I think what made him scared was thinking that the family would accuse him and his late mother about the death 

And he was screed that his brother would blame him for losing both his parents but I know Tshepo and he is one person who looks at life with a different perspective than others 


I am looking at them now through the window they are near the kraal with other men but they keep talking together and burst in laughter for Lebo it's a different laughter now it sounds different because he has found the missing part about his life and it sure is going to be hard to separate these two 


Life is a journey we don't really choose the destination but our choices are what builds us along the way 

I once pictured myself married to Tshepo but because life had it's own plans that didn't work out I slept with a man so that he could provide groceries for my family

I listened to my mother curse me every day about how much of a disappointment I am 

My friends marriedsome graduatedsome have jobs and I had nothing but self pityI was angry at the world for no reason 


I didn't have the best clothes to wearthe best dresses and shoes but today I get confused on what to wear since my closet is full of different kinds of clothes 


Those are the pieces of my life but life every brick that is used to build a house they have built methey have made me the woman I am today 


I am now grateful because I know I come from nothing


Dee

At times we curse God for our situations but we forget that God didn't say life will be a smooth road 


JOHN 3 VERSE 33

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world "


Even the Bible tells us we will face obstacleswe will be hurtbroken downtorn into pieces by the world it doesn't say all will be well 


Even Moses faced trials and tribulations when he was leading the Israelites to the promise Land 


You all know how I almost lost my daughter she was sick and no doctors could help her because it was ancestraloften we forget where come from and adapt to the new modern ways of life


I felt I was entitled to be angry at Lesegoto not give him a chance with his daughter


I felt I had every right to be angry at him but no I didn'tI should've told him and he would have decided whether he wants to play a role in her life or not it was not up to me to decide that 


Exodus 3 verse 5


"Moses do not come any closer take of your sandalsfor the place where you are standing is holy ground"


God will strip you off those entitlements selfishnesshurtsadnesspainfeardoubtsuicide

So that you may go onto what he has planned for you 


God wanted Moses to remove his sandals maybe because of the dirt that shoes pick up as we walk he wanted Moses to leave them behind and step into the holy groundinto the life that Goes d had planned for him even he had doubt about God's plans tried to make excuses as to why he shouldn't be chosen but God has a plan for everything he will bring you a helper if you need one he will give you all the tools to succeed it is just up to you to decide how to use them


PEARL


Him: babe if you don't get out of this bathroom now I am going to break this door 


Me: how did you even get in on the ladies bathroom


Him: i found a way like I always donow come out please people want to use the bathroom


I stand up from the sit and find him standing right at my door with the other women looking at him maybe feeling uncomfortable with all of this 

I won't lie I'm a bit embarrassed about this 

I was my face and the do my make up while he goes out to wait for me 


As soon as we come outhe leads me to the conference room 


Cameras flash blinding my sight the noise of the journalists whispering among themselves about what's happening 


I was suppose to have been talking 15 minutes ago but nerves have been killing me 


Him: Ladies and Gentlemen I welcome to the stage my wife Mrs Mbalentle Dlamini 


I look at him he said he doesn't want to call me Pearl anymore it doesn't sound well with an African surname like Dlamini crazy if you ask me


Me: Good evening ladies and Gentlemenforgive me for wasting your time I was nervousthis is like the biggest crowd I've had to address so you can't blame me for being scared 


Sigh....I look around the room and all eyes are on me everyone is waiting to hear what I have to say 


Me: My journey started from the day I was born but I only managed to take part in it when I turned 17 and doing my matric yearlife was hard for me and my mother and siblings I would go to school hungry some days till I met Cal a man who became my knight in shining armor and helped me with almost everything in life 


I believe my book does tell you about him but only where things were not working out between me and him but before all that he was the best thing that has ever happened to me he was my first in everything if you know what I mean 


I got a bursary that didn't cover everything so he paid for my residencebought me groceries and clothes an angel right? Yep he was that and I am still grateful to him because I have a degree because of himwhen I started working that's when I took control of my life

I was able to do things for myself now pheewwww it was a relief not to feel like a burden to him 


That didn't sit well with himme having my independence meant he wasn't going to be able to control me anymore so he resorted to being abusive emotionally and physically he would use emotional blackmail and if it didn't work then he would tend to be physical I gave him money for everything that he wantedbailed him out prison when he was arrested for drinking and driving and other arrests I would wear whatever he wants have a threesome with him if that's what he wanted because I felt I owed him my life for helping me out at school but that was just it it was not loveit was me feeling like I owe him my lifethat made me stay with himdo anything for himchange myself for him and he also felt like he owns me since he did all those things for me


........sigh........


Me: how about we take a question so that everyone will be answered?


A lady stood up 


Her: Mrs Dlamini did you fall for Tshepo because of his status? Did you want him to also help you out in life like Cal did?


Oh wow now because of Cal helping me out she is making it sound like I targeted rich men so that I can get settled in life 


I looked at my husband and he whispered "breathe babe"


I took a deep breath 


Me: No I didn'tinfact I hated him because he was a very difficult client to please no matter what marketing strategy me and my team came up with he would still be difficult and I'd have to argue my points until he loved it he liked coming into the office even if we didn't have an appointment or he would come in earlier or later and I would have to not mind since he is the client and my job is to make him happy with my marketing campaign so that I can get paid so no I didn't fall for him because of his status 


One journalist requested that Tshepo join me and he didn't mind but just said today is not about him but me and my book 


Journo 2: Mr Dlamini please tell us how it all started


Him: you all have read the book and my wife told you how but let me tell you when I fell in love with her


He took a sip of his water 


Him: I fell in love with her the first time I laid my eyes on her it was her first pitch and she was nervouspapers all over the place he presentation was just a mess i tried so much not to laugh at her so I kept my straight face but seeing that she was nervous I told her that we should reschedule my exact words were "you know whatyou are wasting my time and I don't have time for watching you do this shit you are doing right I don't even know why your manager chose you for this job seems the boots are too big for your feet" 


The crowd laughed and truth is he did say that and I was hurt by that 


Him: I was being rude because I wanted to fight what my heart was feeling for this woman because then I was still with Shantel and because I had promised to marry herI didn't want to fa back on my promise but the heart wants what it wants I tried staying away but I couldn't so I would just go to her office with or without an appointment hoping to find her free so that I can see her face truth is I was never listening to her pitch I was looking at how her lips were movinglistening to her voicelooking at her big beautiful eyes she would sweat pitching to me only for me to say " let me go through your pitch and I'll get back to you" and I would see the defeated expression in her eyesas they blink slowly and eventually I couldn't hold myself anymore 


??: Mrs Dlamini can you please tell us your first personal encounter with Mr Dlamini


Me: I would never forget that daywe met at my doctors surgery you all know what happened then and from that embarrassment to me crying at the back of his car and him driving to his house Cal had broken me totally that dayI had no strength to fight him anymore nor to please him 

So I left and Tshepo here took me to his house that's when it all started 


??:Mr Dlamini: can you please tell us about your family?


Him: you all know that I don't have parents my mother had cancer on her last days I think she wanted to meet my brother so they told me they are going to a dinner truth I really didn't care I was just happy to see my mom up and looking good I don't know what happened on their way but they had an accidentdoctors said my mother died before the accident and my dad had a cardiac arrest which caused the accident or he was focusing on mom and he let go of the steering wheel nobody knows what really happened 


??: Would you go back to medicine like you initially wanted to?


Him: yes I am going back I am going to let my wife take over as the C.E.O if she wants to or she can hire a C.E.O and stay in her position it's her choice 


??: Mrs Dlamini what are you hoping to achieve with your book?


Me: I want my book to inspire those who do not have hopethose who have lost faiththose who think they are too broken to be loved I want it to give courage to those who are in abusive relationship to stand their groundand those who think their owe their lives to someone to take back their ownership if someone did something for you then that's great God bless them and be grateful but that does not mean you have to lay down your life for them and they don't have to constantly tell you what they did for you because if they did it whole hearted then they should expect nothing from you unless you offer it to them 


??: So what happened to Shantelis she still with Luthando?


Me: yes she is still with him and they are marriedthey also adopted a baby the reason why I didn't write about her a lot is mainly because she was part of my life for a while and to be honest not all of us here are in contact or friends with our husband's or wife's ex


...sigh...


Me: in closing I would like to say that don't let material things define you do not give up on love because it is a beautiful thing but there is a thin line between loving someone and being obsessed with someoneif you have thoughts of harming any woman or man your partner talks to then you are obsessed you will never have to go to extreme measures for love but do make sacrifices and compromises when needed to and lastly may love find you and may the things you do for love be pure and romantic ..Thank you 


Sadly our journey has come to an end thank you to everyone who was with me in this Journey 

Like I said life is a journey it will not always be filled with beautiful views and smooth roads but always try to enjoy the ride to your destination

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Write your opinion

paxina kaluba 2019-05-07 06:01:08

Wow this is great so inspiring

Mokotji 2019-04-28 18:42:42

Great read, can we get a season two? I loved it.Read it in two days

Felicia Shabangu 2019-03-04 18:25:31

Wow u a indeed talented.

Babalwa 2019-02-27 14:29:19

this was a great book, thanks girl i have learn kuyo. may God bless you va