Doc: your mother has not been taking her medication and was relapsing
I look at the doctor shocked my mom always takes her medication that’s not possible
Doc:but don’t you worry she will be fineyou brought her on time
Me: thank you doc how long will you keep her here?
Doc: tomorrow excuse I have to attend other patients now
I am happy that my mother is going to be okay
I look at Karabo’s brother and he indicates that we have to leave
By the way his name is kagiso but he prefers Kg
K.g: ntwana are vaye
He looks very intimidating so I am not going to debate anything with him
We went to his car and drove off
K.g: yabona nou uyang'kolota saan
I just nodded my head I knew that was coming
K.g: tomorrow uzwakale edladleni before uya ko sgela
I nodded and got out of the car you don’t say thank you to K.g he says he is not God
It feels weird to be alone in this shackI miss my mom right now
I ate bread and tea then slept in my worn out mattress
Just like all the other days I prepared for school when I got out of the shack K.G was on the street with his car
K.g: zwakala hier saan (come here boy)
I went closer to him
K.g: ke na le besigheid for wena uzong'pushela lento daar esgela sakho ungi haya inyuku I’ll pay you
I look at what he talking about it was a plastic full of weedhe told me how the prices go
I took the stash and placed it in between my books
I am more worried about how I am going to sell thisI don’t have friends whom I can tell so that I can get customers my life is fucked up serious
I met Khanyo at the school gate
Khanyo: heyhow is your mom?
Me: doctors said she will be fine and they will discharge her today if she is okay
Khanyo: okay so what do you have to do for K.g?
Me: sell his weed around school
Khanyo: that’s easy I’ll help you yezwa just tell me the prices then we can go
I told her the prices and off we went we started by the toilets she did all the talking while I just stood there and looked at everyone
We sold a few since they said they don’t trust me it might not even be good
We left and went to all the corners where naughty boys chill Karabo also helped by telling the gents I’m working for his brother
Weeks passed and the weed business was doing good with no husslesK.g would pay me R50 and some days R100 and I have been keeping it to myself my mother would never take the money if she knew how I got it and besides what would I tell her
I’m not good at lying
I bath and dress in my trousers it’s Sunday today and I didn’t feel like arguing with my mother about not wanting to go to church so I decide to just go
I walk behind my mom and her friend who is also her churchmate they keep talking about the good things the pastor has been doing
And I’m Wondering why he has never done that for us I’ve never seen groceries from church or clothes from church
I listen to them talk about whoever did what at church I can’t believe that they are going to church yet they are talking about other people
Mom: hayi Madlamini you can’t be talking about other people like that especially on a Sunday and on your way to church
Woman1: but ngikhuluma iqiniso Grace
Woman2: God would punish us for lying and say she is okay hayi ngeke umamfundisi unesidina nje
Mom: God forgive you guys
I decide to leave them behindyou know how women are they wait for each other
Talk about everything and anything and besides they were becoming too many for my liking so I decide to leave them
You know how women at Kasi do thingsthey meet each other other waypass by the other one at a certain corner or bus stop or shop it’s a lot and I don’t wanna do that
I arrive at church and sit at the back and listen to the worshipping team sing some people have beautiful voices shame
I have always imagined myself playing a piano but because of my poor background I can’t I can’t afford the clothes the praise team wear
The church gets filled in no timeI can spot my mother sitting in the middle of the crowd with the women she was walking with
We all stand for worship and after that the pastor tales the stand
Pastor: Sanibonani bantwana benkosi
The congregation shouts amen I don’t even utter a word I’m like a spectator I want to note everything about today but not participate on anything
Pastor: God is good all the timeyou may be sitted bazalwane
I was already sitted Mina while everyone was standing that is just how much church is not doing it for me anymore
Pastor: today I am going to talk about a lot of things but my main topic is The Chosen one
The world may choose you as their leader but there is no leadership greater than that God chooses you for
Politically anyone can have a leadership role and anyone can fight for it as long as they have the qualifications or a political background but God might choose a person that everyone considers a nobody and place then on a very high pedestal
An example of this is when God chose Moses to go lead bekangazi lutho uMoses bekezilusela nje iinkomo ne mbhuzi but God appeared to him and told him to go lead the Israelites out of Egypt
Moses doubted himself
This story is found on Exodus
He told God that he cannot talk to the people of Israelites nor the King Pharoah due to his stuttering
God asked “who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute?who gives him sight or make him blind? Is it not Ithe Lord?”
God knew Moses had a slow tongue but he still chose himgave him everything he needed to prove to the Israelites or Egyptians that I need he had sent himhe told him what to say and what to do if he was not believed
That’s God choosing his leader he equips you with everything you don’t equip yourself
God gave Daniel the ability to interpret dreams and a writing on the wall for King Nebuchadnezzar
When the King wanted ShedrachMeshach and Abednego to whorship a Godthey refused and remained faithful to their God and in the blazing furnace which was heated 7 times God walked with them
God will not give a burden that he knows you won’t carryeven when we feel he is not there but he is always there with us
Do not curse God because he is not God when it is Good he is God even when it is Bad just trust in himput your faith in him and see what God will do for you in return
Let us all stand and praise God
Everybody stood upthe worshipping team whorshipped and people prayed
What did I do? Well I sat down since I was feeling light headed I guess it’s because I had nothing to eat in the morning
I was the first one to leave the church immediately when the closing prayer was done
Not because I couldn’t wait to get out of church but because I was suddenly not feeling well
I slept immediately when I got home
'You are my chosen oneto lead my people out of sinyou shall heal broken soulsheal the sick and bring hope to those who have lostwith your hand many will be saved and healedwith your words their faith in me shall be revived'
I felt someone shaking me 'Xolisa wake up '
The voice said from far distance until it became very loud and the one I was listening to was gone
I opened my eyes to find my mom standing over me
Mom:baby what’s wrong?
Me:I was sleeping ma
Mom: yes I saw that but the you started speaking in your sleep
Me:saying what really?
Mom: Bible verses mostly and I didn’t hear some of the words you said Because you started breathing fast and sweating
Me: it was just a dream
Mom: or church was good today that the word got into youyou are not one to sleep during the day
Me: I doubt ma
I said heading outside for fresh air I saw something in my dream but I can’t remember what it was or what who ever was speaking said to me
I am not going to church ever again bringing me weird dreams all of a sudden
I just decided to walkkicking anything that my feet could kick
Looked at people walking and laughing but what’s weird I would see shadows hovering above them
I blinked and looked again and everything was back to normal whatever happened to me at church today is really going to make me crazy
I decided to head over to the dam and just sit thereit’s calm even though it’s a dam
I find myself walking down an alley butterflies are flying overthey are very beautiful but we’re am I because there is no place like this where I live and the last time I remember I was at the dam and it doesn’t have such a beautiful garden around I looked at myself and I was wearing a white gown okay what happened to my clothes if this is a dream I better wake up now I looked at my surroundings the trees are nicely trimmedflowers in all the colors you can imagine this is beautifulI felt something pulling me away and I appeared at church I looked at the front and everyone was kneeling down in front of this man who placed his hand over themI guess he is praying for themI decided to sit down on the bench and watch everything
After sitting down I don’t see the church anymore just a river with very clean water people are walking around
'you look lost child’
'I believe I am I was sitting at a dam at home and now all of a sudden I am at a place I don’t know and I don’t see anyone that I know here'
'that’s because you’re not on Earthdo you feel pain or sadness now?'
'no I feel none of thatmy heart doesn’t feel constricted it just at peace'
'because pain and sadness are not of this worldcome let’s walk child’
'before I could answer we were already walkingdo you know what God said to his children?'
'God says a lot of things to a lot of children’s
'but what did he promise his children'
'a land with milk and Honey’s
'so you do know that and he also promised eternal life’
'where we we live with no fearnor painwhooooaaaaa waitdoes this mean that I am dead?'
'why would you think that?'
'if I was alive I would feel pain but now I don’t and in his word he says we shall leave behind all the things of the world painsufferingpoverty and anger'
'you are not dead nobut you are at the world of peace'
'how did I get here?'
'you came here'
'with what? How?'
'I can’t say but all I can say is that it’s time for you to go back home now'
I looked at her and she looked serious
Those last words echoed until I opened my eyes and I looked around only to see the dam where I was at and it was a bit dark now
I stood up wore my shoes and ran back home
I tried to remember what happened how could I sleep like that
I found my mother sitting outside she quickly wiped the tears that were on her face
Mom:ufuna ukundibulala Xolisa?
Me: ha! Sendenze ntoni?
Mom: ubuyaphi ebusuku kangaka?
Me: I just took a walk maI was sitting by the dam
I saw relief in her eyes
Me:I’m a big boy now you should stop stressing yourself about everythinglet’s go inside I’m hungry
Mom: (laughing) awutyanga apho ubuye khona?
Me: don’t start ke Nkumkanikazi
Mom: take my chair inside Nkosana
I love my mom and no woman would take her place in my heart