I wake up with a banging headache I really went hard on the bottle last night 

When I left Khanyo's place I was immediately picked up by some goons which I found out they work for her father 

The made me watch Khanyo having sex with that guy she seemed to be enjoying herself because she kept begging for more she kept asking him to fuck her 

I wouldn’t have broke things off with Khanyo but they had my mom and daughter and I had no choice but to do as told  I’d rather lose one important person in my life than lose them all because Khanyo was going to hate me if anything happened to our daughter because her father had it all planned out that if my daughter dies all evidence will say she was killed by my enemy 

I am a gangster yes but I’m not immune to pain Kg and Karabo wanted us to go on a killing spree but I told them I don’t want to start a war when I am not ready for it 

I don’t care how long it’s gonna take me but I am going to get them one by one for everything they have done to mefor making me watch as another man enjoys my woman the mother of my kid 

I let the water hit my skin hoping it will remove the tiredness I have because I have to be in class in the next hour

I lock the door of my room and walk to campus

I stay at a res now it was more convenient to do so as some of my classes are in the afternoon

It’s been hard since I was used to seeing my daughter everyday 

You know as a father I don’t understand what kind of a father’s Khanyo’s father is because nothing would make me happy than my daughter being happy or maybe I am going to grow to be like him I don’t know but I really don’t understand his actions 

Have you ever had that lecture who makes you enjoy your course no matter how hard the module is that’s Mr Ndlovu my mechanics and drawing lecture he is always hyper it’s like this guy doesn’t have personal problems at all while some of us go through shit everyday and on the other side I have been having some disagreements with K.g for the job I do he is not paying enough some cars cost millions but he will give R20k I don’t even know what percentage of a million that is but I just know that it’s daylight robbery and I am not going to allow him to play me like that because its my arse that’s on the line I risk my life when I hijack cars while all he does is seat and just negotiate with the buyer 

I should be the one getting that money and giving him his share because I work for it 

After all my classes I make my way to my place and I find Khanyo’s dad sitting on my coach with his goons standing at my door 

Me: and then what brings you here? I did everything you asked me to do 

Him: well I am here to ask you not to even think about calling my daughter or telling her about your stupid child I don’t want you to remind her of her filthy mistake I’m sure you have seen how happy she now 

Me: consider it done please close the door on your way out and get out of my life 

I make my way to my bedroom place all my books and just throw myself on the bed 

I hear the door shutting meaning that he is gone 

Pheewwww what has my life turned to now 

A text from kg reminding me about tonight’s job comes through and I just stare at it because I am not going to do any jobs unless he gives at least a R100K 

I toss my phone to the side and just stare at the ceiling

“Its us against the world babe and I will forever be yours no man will ever take you place in my heart” she said to me after she had given me the best gift in the world our daughter 

The sincerity in her eyes made me believe her how I miss her soft lips her laughter and her cries 

I remember how she cried for an ice cream when she was still pregnant she had finished hers and I was not done with mine and she wanted mine she cried as if the world was coming to an end 

I laugh as I think about how she used to complain “ it is your dick that made me pregnant and now I look like an elephant” he nagging and mood swings would bore me at times and she would say “ oh now that I am a balloon you don’t find me attractive anymore I bore you Zack and now you are chasing other women out there” funny how she would not want me but one minute she would be riding my dick or screaming my name I’m glad I got to experience the whole pregnancy ordeal with her 

Sadness washes over my face as the thought of not raising our daughter with her hits me

What lie will I tell my daughter if she asks about her mother I just hope Khanyo finds the strength to fight for her at least 


Him: I’m serious practice on me and then give me a diagnosis 

Me: firstly I am not qualified to do that and what if I give you a wrong diagnosis?

Him: we won’t know unless we try so come sit on the couch and I’ll sit here and you will take your notebook and we begin with our session and please don’t treat me like your man be my psychologist and I’ll just be your client

Me: okay then since you insist Tell me about yourself

Him: firstly I am Nkosikhona Qwabe the last born from my parents I have two siblings both brothers 

I am 24 years old im a lawyer currently working on opening my own law firm 

Me: in what kind of environment did you grow up in?

Him: it was not a perfect one but at least I didn’t go to bed hungry and I had a roof over my head my father had always been strict well at least that’s what I thought back then he would dictate everything me and my siblings did which subjects to choose at school and what kind of girls are good for us back then we just listened to him because fighting him was not something we wanted to do my mother was and still is the most loving person I have ever know she is down to earth not a very loud person how she got involved with my dad used to worry me because they are toatl opposite but when I turned 21 she told me that their marriage was arranged so I understood how a person like her can be with my father because it was not by choice 

Me: your father is he still controlling your choices even now?

Him: some choices especially women he did try to make me choose business studies at high school but I didn’t want any of that business was not my thing and when I got to varsity and studied law he was very furious with but there was nothing he could and he doesn’t like not being in control my older brother did let dad control him because he is in the business industry while the second born followed his dreams of being a doctor and that’s what he is now and then there is me I am a lawyer 

Me: would you say all your life you’ve been fighting to get away from your father?

Him: yes I’m still fighting for that freedom because even now he still controls me he made me leave the woman I loved for a woman of his choice at first I didn’t like the idea and I wanted nothing to do with it but like always he used threats and emotional blackmail to get me to agree but now I am grateful for that because I met the most beautiful and loving women I have ever known And I love her more than I thought I would and she has filled that emptiness in my heart 

I blushed but controlled my self since this was for my assignment

Me: would you say you agreed because you want your father’s approval?

He paused and looked at me his facial expressions was changing now 

Him: maybe 

Me: why is that?

Him: I don’t know I think every son wants that from his father approval 

Me: let me tell you what I think I think your father keeps making jokes about your careerlooks down on it doesn’t find it as important as business or medicine and constantly you try to prove to him that you are just as good as all your brothers which is why at this age you want to open your own law firm because you want to prove to him that you are a man your older brother is the C.E.O of the biggest company I know your other brother has his own surgery and he is the best doctor and all the hospitals want him for emergencies and then there is you the youngest who is working under a boss hasn’t made it to the front pages for scoring a big client or saving a life that doesn’t sit well with you you want to be at a level where your father can actually be proud of you and treat you the same way that he treats your brothers you went for the woman he chose for you because you want him to be proud of you for having the best wife or a woman who comes from a family with a big name that’s one tick off from your list of things that you have to do to get your father’s approval tell me if I am right or wrong?

I looked at him and he was trying so hard to hold back the tears that are in his eyes I switched of the recording and got back to being his woman now 

Me: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to go that deep 

I said pulling him in for a hug and he held on very tight 

Him: I’ll never be good enough no matter what I do

Me: it’s okay babe ..ssshhhh 

I brushed his back and he let it all out I also  released a few years of my own because I know how it feels to to always want to please your parents but I had gotten away from that grip but I did what my father wanted to save the most important people in my life 

After a few minutes of us sniffing trying to stop the tears we sit in silence for a while 

Him: you must think I am a weak man I am not good enough for you too I’ll never be like Zack 

Me: don’t compare yourself to him 

Him: but I’m sure you do try to find things that I have in common with him 

Me: you and Zack are two different peoplefrom different backgrounds Zack doesn’t have a father to please so he has nothing to cry about if you see him and think he is strong then I guess poverty made him to be strong different things make us strong so please don’t compare yourself to Zack I have accepted you for who you are not because you have something that would remind me of Zack or you are better than Zack 

Him: I’m sorry it’s just that the way things started off between us is not how imagined or how I would prefer what kind of a man gets arranged a woman for him

Me: the man who has a ruthless selfish father 

Him: do you really love me Khanyo or you are just doing this because you have no choice?

Me: I like you a lot Khona you make me happy and I won’t lie to you and say I don’t love Zack anymore I still do and I am trying to get over him so that I can focus on us which is why I suggested we take things as they come and not expect things from each other 

Him: and for the record I am not with you because of your last name yes it mattered to my father but to me you matter I love you for you not the title you have or come with

Me: I’m glad you do let me go and get us ice cream 

It’s been over a month now I miss Zack some days but I always remind myself why things had to be this way and I always think about Khona and how good he has been to me 

I do see my daughter I communicate with Zack’s mother and not Zack about Qhamisa 

I can say slowly I am getting used to my new life and I am falling for my man now 

I felt hands circling my waist 

I turned around to face him 

He just smashed his lips on me he knows how his kisses always calm me down 

Him: we will get through this together I promise 

Me: can we just do this for us and forget about our parents we will involve them when the time comes 

Him: that’s a good idea I would also love to know you Khanyo not the Khanyo who was forced to be with me 

I looked at him he is such a big muscular bear this one 

Me: and I want to know the man who is not trying to please his father

Him: deal 

He placed me on the counter 

Him: I can’t wait for you to graduate so that we can move from here and go start our lives independent of our fathers 

Me: I like the sound of that now come her and give me so e loving 

I said pulling him by his shirt like I said to you guys this man here is addictive I don’t know how many times I would go to his office just for a quickie 

His dick game is super and he never disappoints every time


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