Thank you God for yet another. Amen 

Like all my other birthdays today I woke up and prayed but like you can see my prayer is not even long 

It used to be but over the years I think I decided to stop asking God for things he never provides for me 

The situation at home still hasn’t changedwe are still poor and my mother is still sick so nah I’ll pass on asking someone who clearly doesn’t care 

I look out the small window somehow the raindrops sound like music to my earsit’s like they are singing a song and it brings me peace but I would be grateful if it didn’t rain because the roof is leaking I had to shift my bed around 

I hate my birthday because it always rains and it’s not your light rain it’s like a storm 

It has winds and thunderstorms at first I thought it was just a weather change but as years passed I started noticing that it only rains like this on my birthday 

And it pours the whole day till midnight and we will wake up to a sunshine tomorrow

Weird if you ask me 

I wear my old tracksuitI don’t know how long I’ve had it but if it could talk it would say it’s tired I don’t know how many patches it has

 I take the wood I collected yesterday and make fire so that I can make mom tea and water to bath 

Mom: Your birthday has the worst weather ever

Me: I’ve gotten used to it maI always spend it in doors and besides it’s not like we can afford to go to the mallgo shopping or throw a partymaybe God sees how poor we are and doesn’t want to embarrass us so he prefers to make it rain like cats and dogs so that we don’t try to plan anything we can’t afford 

Mom: You gotta stop talking like thatGod is not evil and our lives will not always be like this we will not die poor

Me: because God is there…Jah Jah you always say that ma but what has this God you always talk about done for us? Look at where we liveno human is suppose to live like thiswhere is the promise Land he promised us in the Bible? We are gonna die poor ma

Somehow I have grown to hate hearing all those scriptures that talk about what God has planned for us or the promises he has 

I head outside to let the rain wash away the poverty in me maybe the angels in heaven are cryingmaybe heaven was never happy with my birth because it rains every time on my birthday 

I stand on the rain for about an hour and when I start to feel cold I head back inside and change into something else my old jeans which are now too tight on me

 ' amazulu ayababaza

Ubukhulu buka Jehova 

Amazulu ayababaza 

Ubukhosi buka Jehova

Asho ethi; hallelujah hallelujah

Hallelujah mdumise'

My mother has the most beautiful voice and every time on my birthday she always sings this song and it makes me cry at times but I have never shown that to her 

Mom: the day you were born it was raining just like todayI was alone in this very same shackthe weather had changed at midnightI noticed that because I was having minor cramps that time 

So I stayed up till morning and around 6 the contractions were  getting stronger and more closer to each other 

My water broke around 3am  but somehow you still didn’t wanna come out and I was also scared and aloneI was scared that if I do give birth to you you would die because I wouldn’t know what to doill need someone to help me 

But with the way it was raining outside I couldn’t even step outside to ask for help nor shout for anyone to help me

So I laid down a rug that was old

I took the warmest blanket I had and placed it closer next to where I had placed everything

I took warm water a scissora peg and a cloth 

 At 7 am exactly I felt the need to push and I did 

4 more pushes and you were out looking very pale and you cried 

I smiledcried and laughed I had just delivered a baby all by myself

I had no medical background but I managed to deliver you 

I cleaned you up andcut your umbilical cord and wrapped you into the blanket

Cleaned myself and joined you in the warm blanket 

See that stove helped me a lot because it kept this shack warm for us

Until the following daythe weather was clear the following morning and my neighbor heard your cry so she came and helped me with youThank God my bosses took your sister with them for a holiday I wouldn’t want her to watch all that she was just 5 years then 

Usually my mom prays on my birthday but today she didn’t instead she is telling me my birth story which she doesn’t do every time 

Mom: I pray for you every day and night babyI pray God gives you a better life than I could ever give youI also pray for your sisterI pray that God heals her heart and plants a seed of forgiveness there 

Me: Who will water that seed? Just give up ma Imivuyo wants nothing to do with us or else why would we live in a shack when she can afford to buy us a house and clothes or at least food thenWe depend on your pension ma which is not enough sometimes

Mom: some people don’t even have that pension but we do let’s just be grateful 

Me: be grateful  that you had a stroke ma? You have got to be kidding me

Mom: maybe we can’t be grateful for the stroke but I am not that bad I can do things for myself 

Me: take your porridge and eat ma before it gets cold 

If God does answer our prayers the why hasn’t he come through for me and my mother 

We stayed in bed the whole daynight came and we slept 

I slept early since tomorrow is a school day yep I go to school I am in grade 11 I’m doing maths and physicsI would say I am an A student 

I bath quickly and wear my school pants I’m grateful for the donations that people make at our school at least my uniform is not that bad 

I leave mom her porridge the head out for schoolmeeting my friend Karabo along the way 

We all live in shacks but there shacks who are better than others 

Karabo:ntwana why vele nge birthday yakho kuhlezi kunetha strong hayi indaba yokudlala

Me:how am I supposed to know what changes the weather? 

Karabo:Mara ngiringa ivaar poi

Me:ai andazi Karabo Joe

Karabo:usu catcha amafeelings nou?

When Karabo gets like this it’s better to just walk away and besides we are at school now and me and him we are not really close at schoolhe is a soccer player and I am nothing but a poor book worm

I love soccer but I can’t play it since I can’t afford to buy soccer boots nor will my mom afford to buy me new shoes almost every 3 

Like always I sit under the tree on my brick and just study 

My boring day goes on like that 

When I get home mom has cleaned and she is sitting outside 

Mom: I love how the sun feels after your birthday 

Me: not you too maI heard enough about how bad the weather gets on my birthday 

I change my uniform and wash my shirt I don’t own 5 pairs of shirts 

I join mom outside 

Me: as much as I wanna disagree with you about how the sun shines so brightly after my birthday but you are right

Mom: I think God washes away all the pain of yesterday and brings out a new day 

Me: yep the pain of how I was concievednot even heaven rejoiced my birthday 

Mom: your birth was the best thing that ever happened to me?

Me: really mom? You were alone during my birth and it was raining like it always rains what was the best part of that scenario?

She just kept quiet and just continued humming whatever song she was humming 


Write your opinion

Ntsakisi B 2019-08-07 08:06:34

Eish im just going to read further

Esther 2019-08-04 12:47:17

hmmm..... poor Zack

Lebohang 2019-08-01 18:41:23

I think you must be greatful He still saved your mom, not many people with cant do what your does.... Your birthday its clearly weird