I cooked dinner and dished up for everyone except for myself I have to wait for them to finish then eat and wash the dishes then take my food to my room
I was sitting there watching them eat and getting lost in my thoughts imagining my life in a different way I thought of my marriage to Blessing and from then I saw that nothing of mine is the same as other people's things I always get things differently
My mom called me to the dinning area
Her: listen tomorrow you will sleep here in the house just because you uncles and their useless wives will be here so I don't wanna give them reasons to sit about me
I looked at her not believing my ears she knows the way she is treating me is not right now I have to pretend all is well
Her: Oh and Lindo will give you some of her old clothes because yours look 12 years old
Wow how old would they look if I get them old and they are the only clothes I have
Grams: Darling walk me to my room
Grams saw that I was hurting because Lindo was laughing through out and that hit so deep I felt tears burning my eyes
We got in grams room
Her: oh my dear child don't worry tomorrow we will go to the Mall you'll get decent clothes and shoes and have your hair done
I just cried in grams's embrace how I wish it was just me and her no one else
Me: why does life have to be so unfair grams? Do you know that I used some of my clothes as sanitary pads because I didn't have any? I use soap as my roll on and toothpaste?
Her: (teary) oh Kodwa mntanam why didn't you come to me you know I'd give you anything
Me: I didn't want to get you in trouble grams and u didn't want to worry you you are not well grams
My grams was really hurt after that talk she got in bed and slept as I made my way to do the dishes mom was still awake more like wanting to supervise me
Her: yesterday's left-overs are still in the fridge so that will be your dinner take tonight's food and put in the Containers we will have it for lunch tomorrow we can't be throwing away food
Oh now I am her dog I cook food but don't eat then I deserve leftover food
I held back my tears washed the dishes then made my way to my room to sleep I laid in bed thinking
Maybe death is easy because life is hard
God I have endured too much and I can't anymore I do not have the strength to go on any longer take my life before I help you take it why have you turned a blind eye on my situation why do good people have to suffer like this if we suffer so much will we ever reach promise land? is it eternal life or suffering?that you promise
I must have cried myself to sleep because my alarm rang telling me it's time to wake up
Today is gonna be a long day my uncles will be arriving because tomorrow it's Lindo's negotiations that means more cleaning for me i got water and bathed
Grams was awake when I got in
Me: morning grams is everything okay?
Her: yes angel I'm fine just can't sleep no more and besides I wanna help you with the chores this house is too big for one person
Me: ah grams I got used to it now don't worry yourself
Her: I wasn't asking for your permission by the way when are you visiting the Radebes again
Me: aii grams I'll only go there when we go for lunch until after the lobola negotiations are done
Her: okay dear
I started with breakfastwhen everyone was awake I went to clean the bedrooms
....... Hours later.......
Grams came in as I finished the last bedroom
Her: go bath dear so that we can go to the Mall now
Oh I totally forgot about that yazz
I prepared my self and we left
I was having lunch with olwethu
Him: so my uncles are in my house already
Me: wow they are taking this seriously neh?
He looked at me pissed
Him: Because it is serious unless it's a joke to you
Me: geez babe I didn't mean it that way I mean they don't live far they would have just met tomorrow morning
Him: they have things to discuss
Me Ohhh okay then
Him: please tell your mom that my family like meat a lot and they don't eat fancy foods like green salads and all those things that you 'snobs' eat
Me: geez as if you're not don't worry about that my aunts and Okuhle will be around to take of all of that
Him: is Okuhle not your sister?
Me: she is
Him: she is supportive then if she is going to be helping around I bet that means a lot to you
Me: Argh please she is useless and besides if it's not her then who is going to do house chores? Certainly not me
Him: what do you mean by that?
Me: Okuhle is just pathetic and she is like our maid
Him: you sound and look so proud when you say that can you even cook? Do laundry? Clean the house?
Me: I just told you Mos Okuhle does all that why would I want to break my nails with hard labor and besides my hands are to soft for that hard work
He gave me a death stare
Him: Then I guess I am marrying the wrong daughter(firm voice) listen to me carefully you better learn house chores because I will not eat another woman's food in my house you will be my wife and you will be preparing my food better make okuhle your friend these coming months because who ever will marry her will get a wife not a useless Diva like you it's not about being good in bed only you must be able to take of me and our children nah!!
Ohhhkkkkaaaayyy this guy is not serious right now he stood up and left me there
Now I'm really doubtful about this whole marriage he just insulted me to my face and called me useless in other words I'm only good at using what's between my legs