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I've never been one to entertain positive and hopeful thoughts especially after such a crazy and bizarre week I had previously but today I told myself that I would put everything behind me and also try my very hardest to no longer partake in conserving about my father after that brutal conversation with my mom the other day that left her very upset. I've always found it had to hate or despise my father because like I said I do not remember much about him or anything he has done to my mother so even though there's a part of me that hates him there's also a part of me that still loves him and longs for him and believes that maybe if he hadn't passed away so suddenly then he would've been able to change and redeem himself to be someone better for me and my mother but sadly we wouldn't get to find that out now do we? Death is such a bitch like that girl who fingered herself with a lipstick on a a camera.

"So what did you decide to write about?" Whispers Brenda next to me asking me about the creative writing essay Mr Ndlovu asked us to write as the students clap for Sandile's one about social class. 

"Honey you know I couldn't write about anything else except feminism and woman power." 

"I actually thought you'd write about sexuality and how you're sapiosexual." 

"You know I thought about that? But after the conversation I had with my mother I just got this perfect idea for my essay." 

"Okay that was very informative Sandile. I really enjoyed it and your points and views on such a matter. Now...can I have Nqobile to the front to present hers." Says Mr Ndlovu calling me.

"Go get them tiger." Says Brenda cheering me on and that's the only cheerleader I need anyway. 

"So this is called God Is A Woman..." I say unfolding my paper and gasping for air. 

"Okay religion...sounds interesting." Says Mr Ndlovu looking at me intrigued by the title. 

"What differentiates a man and a woman? Is it the length of their hair? The type of music that they like? The kind of clothes they choose to dress themselves in? Or just the smell of their cologne and the sound of their shoes echoing on the hallway? It's easy to give in to the standards people set for you just because of the gender you are born in because gender is more than a penis or a vagina gender is a personality gender is a standard gender is a sport gender is a demand gender is a rule and a role that society sets for everyone because the moment you are born a male you are expected to act a certain way regardless of who you are as a person. Gender is more of a personality label rather than a scientific term to describe the laws of human nature because we are all taught different lessons about who we are and how we should see ourselves and our purpose in society depending on the gender we are born in. To science gender is nothing but a way to mark the function of our bodies to give out semen or accept semen to breast feed or to hold but then it's meaning is then spilled out to describe something more bizarre and confusing. People born in the male gender are taught to be the rulers they are taught to be leaders and they are taught to take and only give when they wish to because they are the ones who are supposed to be satisfied. To them pain should be unknown to them begging should be unknown to them rejection should be unknown because men are supposed to be seen as strong confident fearless unbreakable and most of all kings who should be worshipped by the female gender. Females on the other hand are taught to look manly in order to be taken seriously because to be female you are seen as either weak or incompetent for a certain task. Females are taught to listen they are taught to understand they are taught to say yes they are taught to be overshadowed they are taught to be slaves they are taught to be weak and they are taught to be strong but only when it comes to satisfying men's desire because their purpose is to stay at home have sex give birth and let men do what they do best and that is run the world the way they see fit which is why unless you have short hair a firm voice and wear pants nobody will take you seriously because you are seen as feminine and not manly.   To cry to be emotional to be weak to need to be vulnerable to be hurt to be heartbroken to express to retreat to love to lose to unravel are all seen as feminine traits because it's how females are expected to be and the sad thing is that all these traits are seen to be negative because they aren't "manly" which is why it's okay to wear sneakers which is why it's okay to be aggresive which is why it's okay to be cold which is why it's okay to wear suits because it's what men are portrayed and expected to act and be like while anything a man does that seems to be feminine is seen as disgusting and unacceptable but why? Whats wrong with liking pink? Whats wrong with liking long hair? Whats wrong with high heels? Whats wrong with crying? Whats wrong with needing and whats wrong with being vulnerable that society hates so much? It all started with loneliness and the need of a companion which gave birth to Eve. A woman is seen as a sin a woman is seen as a curse a woman is seen as unintelligent and it's all because of a simple apple. If you don't understand how the bible portrays woman then it's about time you should. It's always the men who take the glory it's always the men who are the heroes it's always the men who are the kings and it's always the men who take the spotlight while woman stand back and say yes to their unruly demands. God is represented as an old and wise men with a long beard and his power is unlimited

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it's always the men who are the kings and it's always the men who take the spotlight while woman stand back and say yes to their unruly demands. God is represented as an old and wise men with a long beard and his power is unlimited and because of this; of course he'd be portrayed as a man of course Jesus would be a man of course the trees the ocean the land the birds and the beautiful galaxy would be created by someone who is male cause anything seen as otherwise would be taboo and strange. God is nothing but powerful energy and strength and for this he shall never be seen as female because women are undeserving to amount to such greatness but for what it's worth God isn't a woman. Indeed men are powerful and strong but strength is more than punching down a tree with your bare hands it's more than raping someone just to prove your fearless it's more than touching a woman's boobs just to prove your confidence it's more than kicking someone just because they had the courage to say no and it's more than not crying even when you feel the world at your shoulders and for that men are the complete opposite of power and strength male is nothing but a gender of fear peer pressure weakness and cowardly actions because true trength is nourishing a human inside your belly for 9 whole months strength is pulling out a whole human out of your vagina strength is walking on 6 inch heels for a whole day yet still walking ever so flawlessly strength is being squeezed by a bra for a whole day strength is forgiving strength is creating a whole kingdom and knowing it takes more than pillars and gold to stabilize it.  The world is a blueprint of what gender of a God they worship the all mighty sits on his throne beside his one and only son as they watch all the hate depression loneliness hurt pain sickness hunger and inequality he could all easily solve with just one tap of a finger but he chooses not to. We are told that God is love we are made to believe that God is peace and unity yet his actions and creations say otherwise yet we are supposed to turn a blind eye and be grateful that we are suffering because it's his true intentions. Like men God uses his power to only please himself you should bow down to your creator or face the depths of hell you should believe in me even when I've forsaken you for all these years you should forgive those who aren't worthy and be at their presence you should stay hungry instead of feeding yourself with people's hard work and that's not love. That's abandonment and excuses to fill your sickening desires because you hold the solutions to all the world's problems but you choose to throw someone to the wolves and expect them to find a solution that doesn't involve killing what wants to kill you.  God is that boy who said he would accept you the way you are till he saw you naked God is that guy who said he loved you but left you the day he broke your virginity God is that guy who parties all night and ignores all your calls God is that guy you loved but infected you with HIV as a thank you God is that boy who broke your best friend's heart God is that guy who took all the brights side of you yet still choose someone else God is that guy who cheated on you because he knew you'd stay God is that guy who calls you whenever he feels lonely God is that guy you rejected and so he raped you God is that guy who impregnated your mother then left her God is that man who gave us Earth just to watch us suffer in it because God is abused power and men is abused power.   God isn't a woman God isn't feminine nor loving and cherishing as a woman's touch because man's strength is always used in the wrongness of ways men use their strength to rape men use their strength to abuse men use their strength to break men use their strength to oppress just because they want to prove that they can and women on the other hand use their strength to nourish they use their strength to build homes they use their strength to heal and they use their strength to fix what men broke and if God was a woman the world would be a different place filled with roses and sunshine. If God was a woman then Eve would of been forgiven Adam would of been forgiven and Satan would be at the alter with a woman known as God because she gave him a second chance to change because it takes more than chasing someone out of a garden just because they disobeyed a so called God."

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