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If my life was written by the hands of a guardian angel who actually knew what she was doing and actually cared for her job then I wouldn't be here today in this new town; hearing the bells ring so loudly on my ears as the memories of my old friends and neighborhood replays on my mind. It's very often that a new beginning brings new possibilities and new feelings and also a new big rabbit hole that somehow gives you a clear picture as to why these chain of events had to occur in order for you to find jump into it but when you're just 15 years old like me then that rabbit hole is often very impossible or rare to find a boring town like this. 

"Come on let's go." Says my mom as she grabs my hand and I'm already embarrassed to the touch. 

"Mom please I'm not 7." I say taking it back as the tension instantly grows for the ninth time this week. 

Her long hair flows so elegantly from behind and her church attire is one that would be enough to make Mary Magdalene green in envy. 

"I was just alerting you you were always seem to be long in your own fantasy land these days. You hardly pay attention to the world around you." She says as we walk to the exit of the church and it's a moment I've been wishing for the moment I stepped in here a few hours ago. 

"That's not true." 

"Oh really? Then you remember what the pastor preached today?" She asks looking at me as we walk slowly on the green and brown grass of this ratched old town.

"He preached about the importance of loving thy neighbor." 

"Okay so you do listen?" 

"Yes." 

"That's good I hope you do apply that especially since we have new ones. I want to make sure we start this year and new beginning on a positive note." 

"You know we don't need to go to church for all this? I'm sure the only thing God cares about is someone having good intentions and having no ill will towards others." 

"Usuqalile with your rubbish opinions? You need to realize that there's a certain way you need to carry yourself as a human being. It's more than just being a good person it's actually more than that." She says looking at me and I can already feel my sadness overcome my anger and hate for this new place and I can almost feel my heart drowning in flood of it's own blood as I observe the new and still unfamiliar scenery. 

"I just miss my old school and my old friends. I hate this place." 

"I know you do but we had to move and I know how it feels like to start over so I'll give you all the time to process all your sadness anger confusion and also your grief but just know that's for a limited time

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eventually you have to accept that this is it. Stop hoping and dreaming of that miracle because it won't happen." "The irony isn't christianity all about miracles?" 

"But that's one miracle Jesus will have to let slip cause they are worst things happening in the world."


We finally get home as I go to my room to change my clothes while my mom remains in the kitchen fixing us lunch. It's been a wild month of emotions and packing and I cannot fathom the thought that I have school tomorrow but at least I have been able to make one friend and I hope she considers one too because there's nothing more hurtful than one sided relationships especially when you're more in need than the other person and for me I'm in desperate need for any friends. 

"That smells so delicious." I say taking a seat while fixing my hair. "So I was thinking..." she says handing me a plate of brown bread and tomatoes served with two eggs on the side. 

"...I was thinking of buying you a cellphone." 

"Oh my god serious?" I ask excited. 

"Yes I was just thinking about the pain you must be feeling because you have to leave the world you knew behind and all because of me and that's unfair for you. You deserve something to just brighten up your year but there's a catch." She says handing me the Aromat.

"I knew it what's the catch?" 

"You'll get it after your first term report and I want to see flying colors. I want to see those 7s and 6s decorating that sheet all over." 

"But mom you know I always get those? What's the big deal?" "The big deal is that loneliness is real and I know we keep having this conversation over and over again but its just that I don't want you to find yourself in the wrong crowd. I don't want to see you declining in your school marks because of all the emotions you'll be feeling because for me its easy to pack up everything I know and move on but you're still young and you're still emotionally imbalanced." 

"No I'm not." 

"You may be smart but there's a lot of things I know from age so promise me you'll do good. No bad friends no change behavior and no peer pressure?" 

"You just need to trust me more. I'm not a child anymore I can handle things." I say taking a bite of my bread and eggs. 

"It's not that I don't trust you I just don't trust your emotions but anywho enough with the disagreements. Let's please go back to our agreement." She says pouring me a glass of hot water for my coffee. 

"I promise even though I thought it you'd be buying it sooner." "Patience is virtue Nqobile."

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