Life has been really tough and very unkind to me for the past 8 months I lost my job few days after finding out the news that broke my heart. I was working as a bank manager but I got fired without any warning given apparently I've been stealing money of which is not true and it was useless to take the to CCMA it was going to be useless. I know that Andile had something to do with it after all he was the one who pulled in few strings for me and got me this job after all I had no qualifications. He is a business no one never say No to him when he offers them money to make things happen for him. Andile kicked me out of the house I had to make space for the Queen of the house. The one who gave my husband wait ex-husband to be precise a child. If that was not enough my parents disowned me angisho phela I ruined my marriage. I've failed giving my ex-husband a child for 7 years hhe. I am cursed because I'm the only one who is childless in all the females in my family they don't take me serious even the little ones disrespect me I am called a barren everywhere I go it's not nice at all but I am getting used to it. Oh the newly-weds now have a baby boy a son what Andile always wanted. He wanted his first born to be a son the universe granted him his wish. Now I am working at wimpy as a waiter. My heart haven't healed from that betrayal that's the reason why I don't have friends I fear for history to repeat itself. Men hardly look my way I don't blame them though. I look untidy and my weight has tripled from what I used to look like. I am an introvert & antisocial. Music & writing are my escape from depression and any other anxieties out there. Life doesn't really favour me any more and I'm fine with that. I have build this strong wall for myself no one can easily break it down. I hardly smile even at work is hard giving fake smiles all day but the money pays my rent and by me grocery so I have to suck it up and serve the rude customers.

Today is my day off and that means lazing around. This lazing around also contributes to my weight gain from size 30 to size 36. Haike it doesn't help that I also have a belly one would swear that I'm 7 pregnant. I think it's time I visited the gym this is not healthy but today I take the decision of tiding my room. It doesn't look like a woman's room one would think that it is a storage. This room is very small perfect for me and my single bed. I have two plates one cup one fork-knife-spoon-teaspoon and 3 pots. Phela I never have visitors over. I take all my dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket and started cleaning my room. I open my closet and clothes just fall out from it technology madoda I fold all of my clothes nicely and re pack them in my closet. I take out the box of pizzas burgers & bottles of wine under the bed and go and throw them in the pile of rubbish right outside the yard. The dumping truck is coming today. I look at my room and it looks clean. Everything is set accordingly perfect. I always order food via Mr D but today I am going to the mall to buy myself food. Actually I need to do my grocery and do away with the junk. I take a bath and wear my oversized T-shirt with my boyfriend jeans and slippers. I comb my weave it is so old iyoh I put on some make-up and head to the mall. Downtown is forever packed every time when I go there I come back with a heavy headache. My first stop will be at pick n Pay I can't afford Woolworths any more sigh such is life though.



This has to be one of the messiest divorce I've ever handled. This couple is just extreme their demands are too much and if they don't come to a conclusion in 2 weeks time about a way forward I am dropping them. I pack up my bag I have another meeting in 2 hours with another client who wants to divorce his wife. This job is not fun shit is exhausting. My phone rings and it is my mother. What does she want now? I grit my teeth before answering.


“When are you coming to see us? It's been 6 months for Christ's sake Londeka”.

Me: “Is Esethu back home”? I hear her sigh.

Her: “No”.

Me: “Then I am not coming home too until she comes back”.

Her: “Londeka she made her choice to pack up and leave. No one chased her away”.

Me: “Do you blame her after everything you did to her? What kind of a mother are you Ma? You watched your daughter losing herself and you did nothing! She sunk into depression under your watch. Do you even care about her? Do you even know where she is right now huh”? My voice is now loud. “Until Esethu is back home then you can call me until then stop calling me”.

Her: “Your father is sick Londeka. We've taken him to all kinds of doctors

but they all seem to be clueless about his sudden sickness”. I chuckle. “He wants to see all of his kids before he departs to heaven  just come home and hear what he has to say”.

Me: “By all of his kids he includes Esethu right? Of which her whereabouts are unknown neh”?

Her: “Londeka we don't know where Esethu is just come home so that you can hear what your father wants to tell you”. I chuckle.

Me: “Have you tried looking for her huh? Have you or you're busy focusing on yourself and that evil husband of yours? You don't care about Esethu you don't”!

Her: “Stop talking to me like I am your age mate Londeka. Just come home and hear what your father has to say before God decides to take him to heaven” I chuckle.

Me: “I don't think heaven will welcome a heartless man like him May he rest in pieces in advance. Bye Ma call me again when you've found Esethu and your husband can send me whatever he wants to tell my by E-mail”. I hang up.

I sit back down and take a deep breath. My sister's departure really took a great toll on me. I wish I was there for her to offer her support but I couldn't because I was also going through my own demons and I was at school. My mom is one evil woman she neglected her daughter the time she needed her the most. I hate Andile & Mapule for what they put Esethu through they know that I hate them I don't even hide it. My desk phone rings hope it's not my mother again because wow. I will lash out on her. I take a deep breath and answer it. Breathing calms me down when I'm angry and you wouldn't like it when I get angry.

“Londeka speaking Hello”.

“L.O.N.D.E.K.A” upon hearing his voice my stomach tightens and my breathing becomes hoarse. I hiss.

Me: “What do you want X? Thought I told you to stay the hell away from me and never call me again”! He chuckles.

Him: “You don't tell me what to do Londeka. I made you which means I practically own you”. I laugh.

Me: “You don't own me X. I paid you. I did your dirty job for you I've put my career in line for you. Don't you dare tell me shit! You wouldn't be where you are today if it wasn't for me now stop pissing me off”!

Him: “Are you sure about that? Let me tell you something Londeka. If you don't do this job for me I will go after your sister”.

Me: “Which one”?

Him: “Linomtha”. I laugh.

Me: “Go after her I don't care about her. Do whatever makes you sleep better at night X. Just stop calling me”.

Him: “Hmmm... Maybe what I'm about to tell you or show you will make you reconsider what you just said seeing that you are not really a fan of Linomtha”. I chuckle.

Me: “What is it X? Because as far as I know you have no hold over me”.

Him: “I know where your missing sister is Esethu is her name right? I have my men following her as I am talking to you right now she is at the mall doing shopping. She has grown so much” I chuckle. He is unbeliavable! “Just so you know I am not bluffing about what I'm telling you”.

Me: “I will not fall for your games X. I will not help you with whatever you're planning to do get that into your thick skull stay the hell away from me. You don't even know where my sister is”!

Him: “Check your E-mail Londeka I'm sure what you see there will get me your attention”. I logged into my computer I go straight to my inbox and open new mail Esethu's pictures fill up the screen and it seems like they are taken recently. Dammit X! He wasn't bluffing.

Me: “Don't you dare lay your filthy hands on my sister I will kill you X. I will fucken kill you and that's a promise”! He laughs his voice filling up the speaker.

Him: “I will send you instructions. You mess this up your sister dies her life is in your hands wait for my orders”. I hang up and punch the table.

I will kill X I will fucken kill him! What the hell did I get myself into? I should've gotten out of that cartel while I was given the chance to now I am in too deep and there is no turning back now. Not all is lost after all at least now I know that Esethu is safe. X made it possible for me to find her I will have to bring her back home before X gets to her first.



“She will be on board boss. She loves her little sister too much she wouldn't put her life in danger”.

“She better not mess this up X. We are talking a billion here”.

Me: “She will deliver boss that's a promise”.

Him: “I will take your word for it X. You are excused” I nod and walk out of his office.

I let out a breath of relief once I am out of this building this is one risky job we are about to do. We might die while doing it. I take out my phone from my pocket and look at the wallpaper.

“Dad is getting you help baby girl. You will soon have the surgery I want you to get better for me & mommy. We still need you in our lives and mommy is very depressed. You will be okay nunu that's a promise”. I kiss the screen and drive to the car wash. I hope this works and we all come back unharmed. Robbing the ruthless Mafia in the whole entire country is signing up for our death I don't know how we are going to pull this out without being unharmed.



I can't help it but feel like I'm being followed I have this unsettling feeling. I hope I am just being paranoid sigh. After my shopping I head straight to KFC and buy myself 15 pieces plus 2 large chips with coke. Yes I did say that I am doing away with junk but it's not that easy I think this is my calling. I mean I ended up buying more junk than grocery I need some serious help. Gym might as well forget about me any time soon... As I am waiting for my order I see Nombeko one of the most hyperactive colleague ever coming my way Pshhh I don't like her and she knows it mentally rolling my eyes.

“Sethu fancy seeing you here. I didn't know that you also come to places like this considering that you're always angry”.

Me: “I came to do my grocery”.

Her: “Did you even buy real healthy food? Girl you need to visit the gym or I can hook you up with my gym instructor”. She does have a beautiful body...

Me: “How is that any of your business? Can you keep it moving as you were doing I'm sure you did not come here to annoy me and I am very happy with the way I am ”. She looks at me blinking uncontrollably then laughs.

Her: “Hhe JoJo tank. You are so rude. Do you even have a boyfriend mara”?

“Number 872” I stand up and go and fetch my order. Coming back she is still standing erh. I put the meat in the trolley and walk away leaving her watching me I know that I will be Monday's special at work. My heart aches when I see Andile & Mapule playing happy family with their son. I walk past them as fast as I can I don't want them seeing me. Life hhayi. I look back at them and they make their way inside the mall laughing & all touchy. Tears prickle my eyes I am not over this betrayal and I don't think I will be any time soon...


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