Yiba left yesterday and now I'm all alone I miss her already but I'm content with the decision that I have made she left only yesterday but I am so lonely that house feels so empty.
Well tomorrow I have a lunch date with Dimpho and Banele. I'm very excited thanks to Neo now I'll also have friends and I don't have to be stuck in my house alone reading books and watching movies all the time I'll get the chance to go out and mingle with people.
The receptionist comes in my office with a bouquet of red roses
"these are for you... you're so lucky girl." I giggle and watch as
she leaves the office.
I look through the flowers and I finally find a note.
‘you are the pure definition of a rose you're so beautiful and delicate yet require love and patience; your thorns are the most dangerous yet most unique and beautiful parts. I miss you already sis and I love you dearly. From your womb bestie.'
I honestly do not mean to cry but wow my sister is so thoughtful. I call her but her phone sends me straight to voicemail. I send her a text saying thank you and a picture of me and the flowers. This is so beautiful it's always the smallest things that count for me.
Today I decide to stay in late because I'm not rushing anywhere or to
anyone I finish up with my second draft of editing and I send it to the
Once done with that I leave the office and I drive to Woolworths and I buy myself a cake I'm lazy to cook and these days I'm even lazy to eat I hardly eat and when I do eat I eat pure junk.
When I get home I shower and when I put on a robe.
I've received so many missed calls from Mbuso and apology messages and I just haven't been sure on how to respond to them. Today I seem to be calm and in the right headspace I decide to call him.
'Mthiyane.' His voice sounds dangerous he definitely isn't okay. 'Uhm hey... I got your missed calls and this is the only time I've had so what do you need?' I genuinely ask him I've kept my tone calm and relaxed. 'I don't want to fight anymore Ulu I just want to talk and I want actually I need to apologise to you and try to make you understand where I was coming from.' I shake my head in disagreement because I know that we will end up having a big fight like we did on Saturday. 'Listen before you say no just please hear me out and if I'm speaking a lot of bullshit that you are not understanding then I will leave you alone just as you have requested.' Well that seems like a fair trade but knowing him I'm not necessarily sure that he is being honest and authentic with me maybe he is just bluffing.
'Fine you can come over and I'm giving you only an hour.' I hang up my phone after that.
I sincerely hope that I'm doing the right thing because I honestly don't
want drama and I'm tired of the continuous fights between Mbuso and myself.
After 15 minutes I hear him walking in.
He enters the bedroom he looks so sexy and handsome I wish I could rip his clothes off but I also wish I could just hug him and kiss him tell him everything that has been happening.
"I don't think that this is the best place to talk let's go into the sitting room." He doesn't respond to what I just said we go to the sitting room and we both sit down and face each other.
"Firstly what I did on Saturday was completely unacceptable I was
out of line and I am incredibly sorry I claim that I love you but I said such
hurtful words to you and I shouldn't have." He is actually sorry what he
said really hurt me he actually made me feel like more of a whore I felt like
I was the bitch that sleeps with married men and then I turn on him and I sleep
with other people just so I can forget him and that is not the type of person
that I am.
"I forgive you but that won't happen again." He gives me a smile. Wait why did I say again there is no again I am done with Mbuso and his never ending bullshit I'm absolutely tired and he is fricken married.
"I know that you will never see me as your Mbuso and I understand your reason. I am so sorry I will never ever hurt you in that manner Ulu I was scared to tell you the truth I wanted to be honest but I just couldn't because I knew that telling you that I'm married would mean telling you that we are over." He hits his head out of frustration. "Be honest with yourself when you proposed to me was it your way of trying to trap me into staying with you and being your wife or did you actually do it because you actually love me and you saw a future with me?" This question has been playing repeatedly in my mind and I genuinely need to know what it is he needs to tell me the truth.
"Bothsans-serif;mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-language: EN-ZA">"Both I knew that I wanted to be with you from day one but I knew it was impossible because I have Philsiwe in my life but when I was with you I knew that I wanted nothing else than to spend the rest of my life with you I couldn't possible imagine life without you by my side Mthiyane and when I proposed to you I wanted to make sure that you stay with me. I know I am fucken stupid but I did however think that that ring would save my ass and you would actually stay with me even after I've told you that I'm married." Whenever he says her name or mentions that he is married it feels like I'm swallowing a tank of oil and it is absolutely disgusting; as a side chick I know I don't have much right to be upset about this especially the mentioning of his wife but I am very upset I thought he was my forever. Mbuso respected me he treated me like a queen and he loved me without me having to fight for it I never wanted to share that with anyone.
"You never thought about her how she would feel how I would
feel?" He shrugs he is unable to look at me. "I did... I just... I'm
sorry." His sorry is late now and I don't think I want his stupid and
"You hurt me and I don't think can ever forgive you and even if do forgive you I still want you to keep your distance from me I don't think I want to see you or be with you because deep down you're all I want and it hurts me because I know that I can never have you..." I admit my true feelings to him he comes closer to me and wipes the tears from my eyes.
"You are all I want I love you." I look him deep in the eyes and our souls just connect there is complete silence.
He brushes his fingers on my lips our foreheads meet and we both inhale and exhale we are in synchronisation as always. If being with him is so wrong then why has it felt so right and why do I still love him so much?
He gently places his lips on top of mine. "I love you." He
whispers "I love you." I whisper back.
He kisses me and I kiss him back the feeling that I've been longing for his sweet desire.
I find myself sitting cautiously on his lap my robe fully opened exposing my bare abdomen and breasts. His fingers begin to spin and pull on my nipples as they are soothed and cooled we maintain eye contact reading deep within each other's souls. I like the sudden coldness of his breath and when he picked up my nipples and started to enjoy the taste and sensation of the soft flesh underneath his mouth quickly warmed.
But his desire didn't stop there. With a knowing smile he looked at my panties and looked down my legs exposing my wet and throbbing pussy. He laid me on the couch and he then lowered his head and eagerly rested between my thighs. My body continued to be played softly; this time his tongue provided a soft moist pleasure as he carefully cooled and pleased my throbbing and wet pussy. The memories of our fucking and love making days dwell in my head and I am beautifully reminded of the joy of coming back. When his two index fingers pierced deeply into my pussy area suddenly his desire to make love to me again was oblivious. My sensitive flesh screeched for an instant pounding but quickly became excited about being held firmly and warmed up. I couldn't contain and hold in the pleasure that I was feeling at this point my moans filled the room.
His fingers continue to thrust into me and his skilful tongue working I
push his head harder as I feel myself getting closer and closer to a climax.
"Mmmm...ah...mm.." my breathing is uncontrollable and my body is
aching for more of his touch he pounds into my pussy I squirt right on his
face and he still doesn't stop he goes harder and harder... eating me like he
is holding on to dear life.
I look at his skilful tongue working and it turns me on even more oh yes... just what I need and what I want.
After a few minutes I cum and he sucks up all my juices leaving nothing
behind. He comes up and he gives me a kiss so I can taste myself I taste
He lies on the couch and I lie on top of him.