I wake up early in the morning and I rush to bathroom feeling so sick. All this crying and no appetite has affected my health already. I'm feeling extremely sick today I'm nauseous yet I fail to vomit I wish I could just vomit out all the feelings that I feel for Mbuso he disgusts me so damn much.
I brush my teeth hoping that will take away the nasty taste that I have and the urge to hurl. I make myself some tea and I just sit down on my carpet and I just break down I try not to make a noise because my baby-sister is fast asleep in my bedroom just being in this house hurts I just think of Mbuso everything we've done in this house and the moments that we have spent here together."
I remove my phone from the charger and I have over 50 missed calls from Mbuso and over 100 messages from him. I decide to call him back.
'Gatsheni' he utters with a raspy voice
'You've been calling like a mad man.' I try by all means to show my anger but my affection overpowers it hearing his voice made me happy.
'Well I am going mad right now. Lalela mama I really need to talk to you I miss you so much and I love you; I know you don't want to hear that right now but it is very true I promise you I'm being very sincere.' Why did he have to ruin such a beautiful thing between us I wanted us to work I was meant to walk down the aisle to meet him there and marry him and he fucked all of that up fuck I hate him right now.
'I can't stand being next to you right now or seeing you so I definitely need space from you so just give me space and time.' This time I don't fight I convey my message in a calm manner I feel like the more I fight and shout at Mbuso it drives him to come to my house and my workplace; I'm not sure if he wants to prove a point or what but I don't need that right now.
'Bye Mangethe.' I hang up my phone and put it on top of the coffee table in front of me.
"Uluthando it's okay." I feel her hugging me from the back. I
don't mean to cry like a little baby or bombard my baby sister with all my
"I'm sorry Yiba I honestly am. I don't mean to worry you with my heartache and my problems." I cover my face trying to suppress all these feelings from being seen.
"Hay mntase I'm here for you no matter what if awukhali kimi then
who will you cry to?" I look at my sister with the biggest smile on my
face I never forget this beautiful spirit when I pray I'm eternally grateful
to God for he trusted me with being this beautiful human's sister and beat
"You're the best you know that?" She rolls her eyes and I giggle and I snort.
"Ew snorty face." She teases me and I hit her with a pillow I mean how dare she say such?
"Have you seen a snorty face that looks like mine?" I run to the bathroom to wash my face and blow my nose because I genuinely look ridiculous at this point.
"Ulu you have an incoming call." Yibanathi shouts from the
other room. "Phendula!" I shout back and I continue with what I was
Once I'm done with that I go back to my sister in the living room she is busy going through my phone.
"Well guess what?" She has a naughty smirk on her face and I'm
immediately worried. "What are you up to Miss N?" She snickers like
a little baby and looks away "akere you said I should answer your phone
and I did right?" I roll my eyes out of annoyance. "Talk Yibanathi
I already know you're going to upset me so just speak up." She gives me a
"So I answered your phone and it was Neo he said his friends are having a braai and he is inviting us he literally pleaded that we make it he genuinely wants to see you so please do not disappoint him." I shrug at her request. I am so moody and I've been sulking this entire time why would I go to somebody's party or whatever this thing is only to act up and plead for attention?
"Yibanathi I don't think I want to go to a party I mean I'm bad
company." I shrug. "No you need this and you most certainly deserve
it you can just stay cooped up in here crying over Mbuso the more you sit in
this house is the more that you think about him and all you're going to do is
cry and you'll end up doing shit that you will regret." She gives me a
massive hug and I don't let go.
"I love you." I whisper and she affirms my fragile heart.
We clean up the house and we bath. By 12:30 we are done bathing and we
are fully dressed. I'm wearing a long maxi white floral dress with sandals and
Yiba is wearing white basketball shorts with her brown oversized t-shirt and
some white and brown Jordan 1's.
She is looking absolutely gorgeous.
"Always stealing the spotlight you look absolutely gorgeous."
I compliment my sister
Whenever we are in public together people either praise us for being a beautiful couple or they give me nasty looks because I'm with her that is how gorgeous she is she is a goddess.
"Damn thanks bro. You look so beautiful give me a smile." I
roll my eyes but when she smiles I just giggle and finally give her the smile
that she has been moaning about.
"Look at you Boyabenyathi... you are a queen." She is trying so hard to affirm me and remind me that I am gorgeous and I am a beautiful spirit and soul.
As much as I want to believe that whatever Mbuso did had nothing to do with me but everything to do with him I'm failing I just feel like I'm worthless and I'm ashamed of myself; I also hate the fact that I allowed a man to make me feel that way about him and just left me for the dogs he treated me like shit. What I hate the most is that even after all the pain that evil man has caused me I still love him with every single bone that is within me. I wish I could just tell all these ungodly feelings to leave my body but I cannot. I want him and my body and heart ache for him; Mbuso's touch brings tingles down my spine his strong and stern look just gives me the utmost pleasure and his angelic eyes when we cuddle just make me feel home and for that second he was able to make me feel like I was the only thing that mattered to him... you played me well you played me well Mr Zwane.
I brush off all these thoughts and I decide to just have fun with my
sister and newly found friend.
"You're driving by the way I will only drive myself once you leave until then you're my free chauffeur." She laughs and shakes her head while clapping her hands "one thing about me is that I am not free. My people will be getting back to you in regards to your bill." Argh Yiba is so dramatic she should've perused a career in acting.
We leave the house and we stop by a liquor store first my sister refuses to go a braai with no alcohol and well I am just not in the mood to drink.
We finally arrive to that house after getting lost after so many times.
Neo is waiting for us outside by the gate.
"Mr Motloung." I greet him with a hug and he also gives my sister a hug.
"My sister has a crush on you." I whisper..."Ulu hayi..." my sister giggles and says in the most girlish voice ever. "So do I she is absolutely stunning." Neo says that I go crazy my lesbian sister is not so lesbian anymore; she has the hots for Mr Neo Motloung.
When we get inside it is a jol chilled music meet sizzling on the
stand this is my kind of vibe.
"So guys these beautiful ladies are Uluthando and Yibanathi Ulu and I work together and well...Yiba." He chuckles slightly I like how he is playing along.
He gives tells us their names Tumelo and Banele are married and there is Musa Ayanda Dimpho Tebogo and Phaledi.
"Ulu I like your dress it is so beautiful." I smile feeling a bit shy. "Thank you Dimpho I appreciate it." Before I know it Yiba has left me and she is now mingling with other people this is why I refuse to go out with her because this is what she always does she flaps her beautiful social butterfly wings and leaves me hanging like some fool.
"Well there she goes..." I mistakenly say out loudly and Phaledi laughs at my dramatic stunt. "Join us in the kitchen." I don't argue I walk with the ladies to the kitchen and this kitchen is absolutely gorgeous silver and white it looks absolutely angelic.
They start asking me questions and we just sit and talk like ladies.
"So which one of you pretty ladies is dating Neo?" One thing about me is that ngithanda izindaba hey they all shut away from my question and I immediately starting suspecting them.
"Should I guess?" I ask and they agree I know that Neo is not dating anyone but I just want to be sure.
"Uhm... I think Dimpho." She snickers and covers her mouth. "Aww how adorable." My baby tone shines through.
"We aren't dating it is just a simple crush." I nod and decide not to ask any further questions that will make her uncomfortable.
"So... are you and Yibanathi an item?" I giggle at their question ‘nope she is actually my little sister.” I see their faces change from romanticising us to pure embarrassment “I’m sorry for asking.” I laugh at Phaledi. ‘No problem I am already used to it.” I assure her.