Mbuso kept knocking on my door. I am
now livid I get up I open the door in a harsh manner it hits so hard it
causes a bang.
"Bhekumbuso get the fuck out of here!" I shout in his face with tears falling down my face.
"I'm not going anywhere Uluthando not until you and I speak." He pleads with me I am so dumb why couldn't I see through him this entire time?
"If you don't leave right now then I will be the one leaving." I threaten him I know that he wants here. If I leave then he sure as hell won't find me.
"Fine but just remember that I love you." Fuck him and his love he disrespected me and my home I never thought someone would do me that dirty especially him a man that I praised so much.
They both leave after another the moment I hear the door shut I scream out all my anger and pain. How dare he?
My phone rings I'm guessing it's
I eventually have to answer her phone call.
Yiba: Hey sis. Uhm Mtho's mother called me using your phone and she said that she wants to fly me there tomorrow after I finish my exam maybe I can help with this whole Nhlanzeka talking situation. I said it is cool but I'm just not sure if that is fine with you...
Me: If you are comfortable with it then I'm fine with it baby girl. I'm your older sister I will always support you.
Yiba: Are you okay you sound so down.
Me: I'm fine baby-girl it has just been a fucken long day. How was your trip?
Yiba: You are avoiding my question and that means that you aren't fine
Me: I'm okay bro. I just can't wait for you to get here.
Yiba: I'm on my way don't worry your best friend is on her way to save the day.
Me: Well hurry up because I need to be a baby right now and only you can handle it.
Yiba: Well this should be interesting...
Me: Well best of luck with your exam tomorrow. I love you to the moon and back and then to Mars and back then also to Mercury and then to Durban and then here in Johannesburg and...
Yiba: I'm guessing Jupiter as well?
I laugh a genuine laugh.
Me: Yep definitely the love that I feel for you is overboard you yourself know that.
Yiba: You know I love you I'm just not as creative as you are bro.
She giggles and snorts I can't help but laugh.
Me: You are too cute. Thank you.
Me: Goodbye baby girl.
Yiba: Goodbye Mthiyane.
I hang up.
I swear my sister is the best that is why she is my best friend. A soul so pure she beautiful and so kind her love fills the room with happiness. I walk to the door and I lock it I go to my bedroom and I also lock the door there I feel so scared so unsafe and so unsettled.
For a moment everything felt a bit better until I got so many calls from him.
I distinctly recall asking you to leave me the fuck alone or did I not?' I
click my tongue out of annoyance. I have always respected Mangethe until today
today he proved to me that he is not a man he has proved to me that he is
'Please do not speak to me in that manner. I beg you please listen to me.' I hang up I click my tongue again.
"Why but why?" I take a
pillow and I cover my face to compress the noise and if possible the pain that
I cry myself to sleep I've never felt such a huge pain.
A part of me wishes that I had a mother that I could call so I can discuss this with her so she can advise me.
I just miss my mother at this point it just feels like my entire world is crashing down right now.
When I wake up it is 03:36 it is
not a dream this pain is real; Mbuso did me dirty he wronged me he wronged
With tears falling from my eyes I walk to the bathroom I pee and I wash my hands
I keep asking myself questions
questions that I do not have an answer to. This is what I've become a whore
Mbuso made me a slut and he turned me into a home wrecker.
I take the bottle in front of me and I throw it on the mirror in front of me both of the glasses break. I can't stand looking at myself in the damn mirror I find myself disgusting at this point. I need someone to hold me and help me through this I wish my sister was here already I held back so hard when we were speaking earlier on because she has an exam and I don't want her to stress out and think about me and my pain when she should be working her ass off so she can nail that exam and come home with a degree. She will surely make both my dad and I super proud.
I send my little sister a message to wish her well on her exam that she is writing today and that I love her very much.
Life is so hard I've never ever felt
so worse. I place my head on the counter and I just cry voiceless tears just
take over me.
It hurts it hurts so badly.
I got up and prepared for the day
when I checked the time it is 04:15; I went to shower and prepare for work.
Once I finished up I got dressed in a long floral dress with my white converse
all-star and a denim jacket.
I place my things in my car and I realise that I didn't fix my hair I go back inside the house and I brush my hair. I leave the house and I go back inside the car and I drive to the office.
I get a bottle of water from the kitchen and I go to my office.
It is so early right now I've never
been this early to work.
I finish my water.
"Uluthando stop it focus on your work and stop thinking about Mbuso." I try to affirm myself.
I edit the book and by 09:40 I'm
halfway through the book I haven't taken any break. Neo knocks on my door with
so much energy.
"Good morning Ms Uluthando." I smile back.
"Good morning Mr Motloung." I greet him back and gesture that he walks in and he does.
"So tell me what books are you into what kind of books are you editing?” I question him I'm excited to hear what he has to say.
"Relationship based books so I edit and read mostly relationship based books and spirituality based book." Relationships I mean wow had he not been my co-worker I would definitely ask him for advice but I usually prefer to keep my private life private and professional life professional with no in between.
"Wow relationships your marriage must be flowing mos." He laughs and shakes his head he seems to disagree.
"Well I wish I'm not in a relationship." It seems like it is making him sad he seems like a nice guy but it is very clear that I am no expert in seeing good guys because I'm messed up; I thought Mbuso was my prince in shiny amour but it is clear that I was wrong.
"Why do you feel like everybody is not good enough for you or do you feel like you just haven't found the one who matches up with all the things you've read about or even written about?" I am trying to understand what this man is all about.
"No it is not that I feel like I'm better than everyone I just feel like I haven't found that person. I feel like I will just know." I thought that I knew but it is clear that I was wrong. At this point I am worried about all my life choices I have been making bad decisions and Mbuso seems to be the greatest one yet.
"I understand that it
definitely makes sense to me." I open up to him and he nods. "What
about you what books do you edit read or write?" He asks me the same
question that I asked him.
"Fiction romance thriller horror crime all those good things." This proves that I am living in a fucken fantasy world the books that I read prove all of this to be true.
"That's fun you get to live in your favourite dream." I shrug.
"Yes definitely it has been a little while since I've been an editor but I've read my entire life." I explain to him.
We talk for a while and we decide to continue with our work.
"How about lunch Ms U?" I give him a thumbs up and he leaves the office.